Of Morals and Magnets

After i wrote that long note at the top of this blog, to feed my megalomania. . I realised that i have been writing less meaningful, 'draw people out and shake them, till the world is topsy turvy again' kinda posts ( sometimes colloquialisms are appropriate). I realised that people (those who read my blog({phi !}), and people in general) are settling back into the rabbit's fur(Sophie's world: Jostein Gaarder = brilliant book) and feeling comfortable with their lives, and settling into their private ruts again.And that, my friends, does not work for me. I need to reate conflict and argument, debate and discussion, which funnily enough is at odds with another fundamental part of my psyche, conflict mediation( But this scenario actually goes quite well with my megalomania: I create a conflict, mediate it, and get to be the good guy in the end ! Woah !! I just figured myself out ! "Shh...say no more. . We'll talk later. At the crossroads, when it is neither night nor day") anyway, if I'm done digressing, I'd rather get on with my 'serious' post.

The other day, i was 'relieving myself' ( I love to indulge in highly transparent,subtly vulgar euphemisms. Note that I could have used 'Rearing butt cobras' or 'Making nutty chocolate', but i chose to go with the classic ' relieving myself' so as to not offend my more 'delicate' readers(I, for one enjoy toilet humour almost as much as I did as a child. .), though retrospectively, I realise that by writing this sentence, I have completely defeated that purpose :D . . . Back to the main text..) when a revelation made itself available to me. Now this may seem funny to some of you, but the fact is, that you have a choice in your 'revelations'. Your mind gets the whiff of a revelation and your mind must follow it through till the end for you to actually have the epiphany. I myself recall countless occasions when I found myself at the brink of an epiphany, only to blow it off to pursue some more hedonistic pleasure.Fittingly, one can never seem to recall what that stimulus was that caused you to start upon the path to enlightenment, and one is left wondering whether it was really an epiphany, or just something that seemed like one whose only purpose was to torture one with the thought of having passed it by. In the case that this were true, my theory of epiphany-choosing would undoubtedly be false, and the only 'proof' i have against that is that, at the point of choosing, the choice is very real and consious. (Of course the world still may be deterministic in the sense, that being the person I am, i would never have chosen otherwise and any thoughts to the contrary are just products of plain human stubbornness(No more on that..Read for more: http://blogsareegomaniacal.blogspot.com/200 9/06/further-justification-for-blog-name-are.html))

As I was saying (!), I had an epiphany. I was just wondering, apropos sometihng that had happened to me recently, whether I was really all that good and moral as i purpoted myself to be, and at that moment it struck me: What seems good and moral to a person could very
well seem naive and foolish to another.What one person sees as bad, disgusting and immoral, would be seen as shrewd and infinitely smart to another. And for the life of me , I could not find any way to prove the superiority of one of these viewpoints over the other.The only obvious reason was that the former conforms to modern social norms, but since when does the widespread nature of one view constitute proof of it's superiority over another ? Our norms have changed several times over the centuries, and they are no means of judging right or wrong.(Another causal factor in the creation of social norms is the distribution of power in society and the views of these 'powerful' individuals, but this is not a consideration worth discussing, hence the parentheses :P)

What then ? What is right ? What is wrong ? Does our moral compass have a magnet stuck to it somewhere, a magnet, that someone else hid there(or scarier still, we hid and forgot about)? One option that immediately comes to mind is that, one of the two groups ( Naivete as opposed to conventional morality(in an alternate universe, without loss of coherence, Naivete could be immoral)) are just faking their belief in their morality paradigm and in truth are driven by other immoral 'forces' to behave, and believe that they are right ? The questions raised by this assertion are : a) What immoral forces ? b) Is 'universal' acceptance and belief a good enough measure of morality ? and c) Which of the two views are right ?
Point (c) points to the fact that even if a way can be found out of the multiple paradigms'impasse', the basic question still remains.Point (a) simply calls to one's attention the fact that the final, true system of morality, would be internally coherent, but not necessarily objectively true, and Point (b) asks us the questions ' What is morality ? What is truth ?' Clearly, this argument would be, (if at all) secondary to an argument that can resolve suitably the questions raised by it, for they are fundamental to this analysis of morality and truth.

The only way out of this horrenduous predicament, in my opinion, or atleast the one that is most clear and describes things, at least upto a certain depth in totality, is to adhere to the 'magnet attached to the magnetic compass' theory. You choose a path, by going over the different possible systems of morality, and suitably attach a magnet ot your compass. You then follow the compass, making suitable adjustments to the magnet, as and when you feel the need to change your path entirely. The fixing of the magnet as a default option gives one time to observe ones surroundings, interact with them, and steer (:D). However one must be aware of the fact that there is a magnet, and that the path we are on is not a predecided, universally prescribed one. After all, isn't everybody free to choose one's path.

Analogically, one's moral system is typically personal and must be treated as such.The only thing we can seek , as a parallel to the morality that we pursued in the paradigm where morality was absolute and universal is internal coherence. For example, on the path ( piecewise defined :P) that one has chosen, one can always agree with others on the same path that it is very scenic and beautiful, more so than any other that could have been chosen,in fact the 'beauty' of the path would be one of the parameters that contributed to it's selection over others in the first place.

Apt ....

!!

PS: Of course, all this could still be deterministic ....a la the post, the link to which i have pasted somewhere in the middle of this one : what the heck : http://blogsareegomaniacal.blogspot.com/2009/06/further-justification-for-blog-name-are.html (:P)

PPS: Is beauty really subjective ?

PPPS: The actual analysis of the different systems of morality would be an extremely involved, though interesting task....Maybe another time ....

Where is Wonder Woman ?

I am sad. . . .I lay on my back on my bed in my room in Hostel 6, IIT Powai, and I am sad, bored, dejected and depressed. . I am also hot. . .Unbearably so. . Covered in sweat, I lie there,staring at the ceiling of the tiny room that I share with another. . He is speaking, but I do not hear him. My mind is buzzing my aural sense into disrepair. . I look at the cobwebs, on my ceiling, and see past them. The ceiling fades away and is replaced by the great black sky. . Stars. . . billions of them. . I look at them and am catapulted into space, rushing forwards at a speed so fast, I fear that i may fall. . i keep going on and on, and all I see are bright stars, all around me stretching for , dare i say, miles ??!!
A jerk later, I am back on my bed, sweaty and panting, but exhilarated. . . I have seen worlds, beautiful worlds, terrible worlds. . rather, i have seen, with my own two eyes, the possibility of their existence, and i will never again be content with what I have. Is it true then that ignorance is bliss ?? Or is an unexamined life,not worth living ?. . .The universe, of which we are but a microscopic fraction, stretches on and on, till what ? An end ? Itself ? Nothingness ? What then is nothingness ? Can one even comprehend such a state. Time zero. . . Space zero . . .The inevitable question pops up in our mind. . . But, what was before that, behind that, after that, ahead of it. . . ? What indeed . .
There are days when such thoughts fill oneself with a tremendous feeling of hope and ecstasy. . our mind is bright with the rich images of a journey yet to be made, of a future, and indeed a past, yet to be discovered.Of a logic yet to be understood, and of an outside, something beyond everything, to be seen.
And then there are other days, when these same thoughts fill your mind with confusion and frustration. They make you want to fall to your knees, your hands pointed heavanward, as the camera slowly zooms out inflationarily( there should be a word like that ) and your observable universe becomes a speck in the distance as the exponential function flexes its muscle........

As I recall, I was sad....I cannot imagine why, but at some point very close in time to this one, I was sad, depressed, dejected and worst of all: bored.....And i was hot...As i get up, suddenly, jerkily, the buzzing in my ears stops.I suddenly have a very heightened sense of awareness,a feeling i vaguely associate with the bullet time action sequences i used to execute in 'Max Payne: the Game'. I get off my bed, put on a pair of slippers and walk out of my room, The corridor seems to stretch on forever. I look both ways and turn right, walking briskly past several other doors. There is a light on in some, music in others, while yet others are cold and silent, inhabitants, either asleep or not in attendance.Other doors are open and I see people inside, with their normal lives, eating sleeping , playing....

I turn right again, then again, then left. I am now going down a flight of stairs: dark, yet inviting. They seem to stretch on endlessly, much like the corridor that i have just traversed. The more i walk, the more lost and confused i seem to get. I walk faster, but the the flight of stairs is just as unending and my mind just as confused....

Finally, i hit the bottom. Where there should be an open corridor, there is an enclosed passage, dark alcoves and turnoffs every few metres, left and right. I raise my eyes, looking for some light, a window or a door that will lead me out, but all i see are more passages.All the passages in this building seem to share a lighting pattern.The light is dim, but comfortable. It seems normal, almost natural in a way. The air in here seems ordinary and entirely normal, but conditioned, fabricated,treated in a way, not natural.

I jerk back to consciousness, realising that all this while i have been walking.I must've taken some random and arbitrary turns, for I no longer know where i am. I am now in a high arched room, flooded with a more beatific hue of the same ochre light. In front of me I see a window, with stars sparkling and twinkling outside.I run to the window and breathless, throw myself on it, feeling a draught of cold air, fresh air.As i bask in that freedom, a horrible thought comes into that mind..The darkness, the stars, the air, are all horrifyingly reminiscent of the planetarium I remember visiting recently......

I wake up......

We live, in a system. A system, that forms the entirety of our existence. We follow it, adhere to it, almost as if it were right and perfect, innately so. Even our rebellions, our revolutions, our protests, are but mechanations of this system. We live in a big castle, full of amusement arcades. An all spanning, colossus of a castle. Wherever we run,seeking windows, doors, we only find more brick and stone.It is comfortable and ordinary, yet false and synthetic. We know nothing of anything. What it means, why it means what it does and who ordained that it be so. Just the mores and norms of the system, the brick and stone of the castle.

Our universe seems to be, by definition, infinite and endless. Our world is less so. Prohibitively vast perhaps, but finite in time and space, at least by our present knowledge. As of now , we live, not in a tiny planet, among 10(odd) revolving around a small star, that is one of billions in a galaxy, that again, is one among trillions, but yet in a system, one of infinitely many possibilities, on the tiny planet. We dream, hope and 'plan' to conquer the stars, to go where no man has ever gone, but in this small world of ours we are blinkered and bound by the ropes that mark our lane in the race. A race, the purpose of which we do not know, of which we do not wonder......

PS: I didn't mean to sound quite so 'armageddon'y, but i have this daydream often. . Cages within cages, systems within systems, all built on a base, a very long time ago, by God knows who...

PPS: Seriously, there is no wonder left in the world anymore...

Tending to utopia :P

Utopia. . . .Dystopia. . . . Today. . . .


A long time ago ( in a galaxy far far away. . . (time coordinate of course :P(and here i get outragede when someone calls me a geek :P))) i wrote a post about capitalism and communism--

http://blogsareegomaniacal.blogspot.com/2009/07/capcom-i-realized-while-reading-my-past.html


-- At the end, i spoke about how a mixture of the two exists in our world today, viz: A capitalist economy, balanced by economic controls, taxation and 'redistribution of weath' ish policies by the government. . I also expressed the view that this form of society, which incorporated both communist and capitalist elements, had developed naturally, because of the amount of time that had passed within the purview of recorded history allowed for a capitalist(the early kings and administrators) society to develop, be overthrown by the masses, and then for a sort of equilibrium to be achieved. I was thinking about our world and how we seemed to have settled, more or less in to this system, this organisation that is the world. . And how most people think that to make things better would mean working inside this system, that there are some concepts and ideas , that are untouchable and sacrosanct, that must be as they are , for our world today , is as has been decreed by the lord almighty. . .

Two words. . .BULL SHIT
( funny how star movies converts shit into crap in their subtitles, i mean. . what the crap ?!! :P)


If one analyses through time, how today's society has evolved, one will see that not much thought has gone into it's structure and functioning (neglecting all conspiracy theories about a few very smart, very powerful oligarchs running the world: and then we have loads of other stuff to worry about :P) It has evolved as a result of natural human competitiveness, revolutionary social movements and finally a balance in the power distribution. . . A very complex balance. . . And yet, at some point people got comfortable with the idea of this structure, mainly because the people in power liked it for the benefits it afforded them, and hence throttled all attempts to even talk of a different structure, so much so that people believe that this system is the most perfect possible. .

In truth, this is one of several, possible equilibria. . It is just the one that we are facing due to certain historical events that led the history of the world on this path. . Also, every system in the world can be made better, cause if it can't then it is the best possible one and everyone agrees that our world today is decidedly not utopian. . Agreed that most systems, specifically one of such complexity and magnitude as the world that we inhabit, can be bettered infinitesimally slowly, they are asymptotic in a sense. . . The idea is right, the implementation can be bettered. .

For example, i have drunk chaas, (or buttermilk) at prices of Rs 5 per glass and Rs 100 per glass( same goes for Dosas, lemon juice and everything else under the sun) and frankly i don't see the difference in quality, or ambience or whatever the hell else that causes the difference in price. . .

Now people may argue that this is far from being a true example of my point . . agreed. . i'm leading somewhere. . . It is true that people pay for what they want, and not for what they deem, 'not worth it', but it is also true that the head of a particular industry decides how much his workers labour is worth and how much his capital, or strategy or business acumen is worth. . Who can decide how much each of those things is worth ? Shouldn't these parameters have suitably defined price tags? When something is sold @ raw material + production process + workers skill+ managers managerialness + supermanager's . . . ad infinitum + capital + blah blah. . .Who is to say that the worker isn't paying more for his own skill on the product, than he was paid for it in the first place ??

Also, on the socialist side of things, it is an open secret that a lot of money disappears in transit and that sometimes, whole policies of social upliftment and redistribution of wealth are nepotist and hyper-politically motivated



There is a better way. . . I intend to find it :D

PS: Wish me luck

PPS: Lots of it !!

Imagery Orgy

A house. . . on the side of a hill made of red rock, dusty and sparsely dotted with green. . . . A river at the bottom sparkling and clear.. . . . A thicket of trees on the other bank, stretching for miles, as far as the eye can see, and almost as far as the mind can imagine. . . . A few miles in the distance,on the same side of the river, a farmhouse, full of cows and sheep, dogs and ducks.. . . men tossing hay and matronly women bustling around, throwing corn to the hens, meat to the dogs and turning a side of bacon on the stove. . . The bacon sizzles, the smell wafting out of the window, floating for miles, hitting the nose of a vagabond. . . . He closes his eyes, inhales deeply and grasps his guitar. . . His fingers move on the fretboard, almost as if controlled by some magic. .. the notes ring through the air. . . A dog, hot in pursuit of a rabbit, pauses and cocks his head. . .He whines in pleasure. . . . The rabbit escapes. . . .running into a hole. . . His whiskers quivering, he continues to run, his heart beating faster than his feet., his ears pressed against his head. . .



He jumps out of the hole, still nervous. . . but now convinced that the danger is past. . . He runs through the underbrush, and emerges into a clearing. . . .Surrounded on all sides by trees, one gets the eerie feeling that, any moment now, faeries will emerge from the forest laughing and carrying tankards of pink lemonade(or prosecco(couldn't decide !)) and chocolate filled cookies. . .. There are a couple of dandelions on the floor.... . . 1 o' clock ! 2 o' clock ! 3 o' clock! and all the seeds are off . . . . One of them, goes higher than the rest . . . buffetted by the winds. . . Suddenly, a bird swoops towards it, with every intention to seek and destroy ( and not recon and report !) The seed floats a bit lower, as if afraid (but actually it's the pressure change, due to the bird's dash in the seed's direction !!) It's fears (!) are however dissipated, as another bird, swoops upon the former . . . In the ensuing struggle, the seed floats lower and lower, escaping attention and capture. . . .

Lower and lower it goes, till it falls into a river. . . floating gently on the surface. . . . it travels further downstream and gets stuck in some black sticky substance. . . . Industrial effluents, the waters almost scream. . . Dead fish. . . . Birds with their wings stuck. . .Squawking angrily, and flapping desperately. . . A young girl with braces and pigtails looks at the river in astonishment, her eyes widening under her thick spectacles. . . She takes some pictures and starts scribbling in a little notebook she has with her. . . The chemical plant is at the edge of a big town. . . People are walking about on the town square, some of them yawning and rubbng their eyes, The sunny cobbled streets take one back in time, to a time that was less complicated, more simple. . . more happy even, one would think. . . But then the grass is always greener. . . .

Somewhere above, one sees a man with a grey beard and oval spectacles in rumpled grey nightclothes peering through a telescope. . . He looks vaguely familiar. . . The telescope shows him a house. . . . on the side of a red rocky hill near a river. . . .The curtains of the upper room are thrown open . . .


The man in the bed, groans. . . A cool soft hand touches him on the cheek. . . . He smiles and looks through his lashes to see it. . .an angel framed by a forest on the opposite bank of a glittering river of gold. . . . . . . . .


I wake up . . . . . .


Damn !


PS: Damnation !

PPS: **Tantrum **

And it rained ......

It's raining......I mean it was raining..But i had thought of writing something when it was raining...so for a minute... close your eyes....and let your mind go back to today morning......It's pouring outside.....and i sit in a squishy brown armchair with a laptop, a cup of coffee and marshmallows ( the ones shaped like animals) looking pensively into the screen of my computer......the steam rising from my coffee and all the while, in the background.....is the rain......
In reality..it's night, i sit on a hard backed chair with nothing to heat, working at a desktop, the desk for which, is broken and creaking ominously..and..I hate hot drinks and marshmallows......(Is what i did above common, or just common to me ???...the bubble popping, I mean.....Do get back to me on that one....)

And yet....every time it rains...the very image i have described above pops into my mind...and i feel at the same time..comfortable,nostalgic and very, very sad.....as if i had suffered some great loss.....The rain has that funny effect on me : Whenever the sky gets overcast,i go sit near the window with a blanket. . .and almost instantaneously my mind starts wandering.....I feel lethargic,... almost depressed....Now, by nature i am ever happy go lucky and infuriatingly optimistic...in fact if i was a girl in a novel...I would've been either dead or dying of a serious disease...(I apologise if anyone found that allusion uncalled for...that's how the crime novelists play on your emotions...It's always the good who die young....) Only the rain can make me so depressed and sluggish that i start reading The Hardy Boys again to avoid any possible mind work......Immediately my mind thinks mutton pattices....lots and lots of mutton pattices...my mouth start watering..and unconsciously i start rubbing my hands together...partly out of excitement and partly to keep them warm....Some days..I sit on a comfy chair or my chaise longue with a quilt keep some munchies at hand and reread enid blyton......

Yes...Rain....by contrast creates comfort(the actual word for this case should be comfiness :P :P) in my mind...I imagine myself in several different places...On the top of a mountain in a Log cabin with a fire crackling at my feet ( and some method of adding fuel that did not involve my getting up...or moving a muscle for that matter... :P), in a house on the top of a hill, in a room made completely of glass and a quilt so thick the princess wouldn't feel the pea....., in an indian railway train with their meagre bedding and atrocious air conditioner... curling up into a warm ball for warmth......scrunching up my toes and rubbing the soles of my feet together.......
I find myself..sometimes in the future and sometimes the past.......Seeing a child huddled inside a blanket....or sometimes a grown man...The blanket is never big enough.......but i still try to curl up and stay all warm.......

And sometimes...I just go out to bathe in the rain.........'

What about you ???

PS: Brrrrrrr.......Wish i had a bath tub....or even better....a jacuzzi......

PPS: Aaah.......

PPPS: **Warmth**

PPPPS: Hey ! go back into your own fantasy !!

The battle for staccato

Staccato...the Western Music Club of IIT Bombay......A society so secret and exclusive...it makes the Skull and Bones and the Illuminati look like Gujratis with aVengaboyz CD and a 5.1 surround sound stereo system (No offense meant :P)Started more than 10 years ago,though this time may seem short for ordinary mortals.....the Members of this Club have succeeded in secretly spreading their message all over the campus ( How ? When ? What ?Where ? By whom ?) ....How am I telling you this ? Aah...THis Club...This Society....is facing a great crisis of Faith.....The doors are Open...but will close fast...With most of the influential members gone onwards.....we have a void, where once there were jumping flames, squealing purple sparks and supermegaawesome explosions in a black darkness( or a dark blackness..one of the two....dunno which).Below, i narrate to you the story of this institution within an institution within an institution..( all in all institution appears 32 times..Circles within circles....and all that..it's quite confusing....but i'm pretty sure that no 2 circles are identical (in purpose i mean...and not members :P :P))

I will tell you the story, or as much i know of it, for no member except the grand Gaxl Rorryson ( And i don't know who he is) knows it all.....

Staccato is the western music club of IIT Bombay. THe other club is Saaz( founded in 2005), for Indian Music club....After years of a Staccato hegemony over the Music Scene of the Institute, some 'Gaya*se Pu**ies' broke off and formed Saaz....The new Club, immediately began a Populist Agenda to win over funds, audience and chicks.....and succeeded, albeit partially ( :P)
Also in view of the insti Polt(Political....Sucking up, Bootlicking...(I have other Synonyms too..if u need 'em !!)) scene, Saaz became very important as their populist agenda won them a lot Of Matka (PostGrad'Mtech' students) support...
Note: Matkas form a large percentage of the Student population, but are completely uninterested in institute elections...so Infy ( infinite ) Polt......
These are 2 reasons that, Experts suggest led to the marginalization of Staccato....But some think otherwise...Some say...it was a clever Staccato ruse to misdirect atttention away from the club, after the Great Disaster( That which must not be mentioned (oops) .....If this is true...Then they succeeded.....beyond their wildest dreams....Staccato was pushed ( or slunk) into the darkness( or blackness), free to continue their work, unhindered and unstoppable......

Whatever the reasons were, this much is true that Staccato is a highly exclusive Club, secretive to say the least..While some cover meetings are held in the SAC ( students activity centre ) conference room..All the actual work happens in Ye Olde Pub ( In Dehanti this means Sunny...and translated into hindi....Sip and Dine...)The meetings take place so randomly, to an outsider they may seem to be spontaneous and random, but legend has it that the Gaxl Rorryson( CSE department) created a complex algorithm to produce the dates of the meeetings in advance for the next 2 millenia.....The amount of liquor consumed at such a meeting is astonishing, so much so, that it seems like a party...but the Staccatoes ( as they hate to be called) have a remarkable alcohol tolerance level....Not only that..they even act drunk, but it is all a cover for the most dastardly plans imaginable....

What, you ask me....what could be their motive....What is their plan, What is their Goal.....?
It is the elimination of non-music, as they call it....The Staccatoes have compiled a list of 2653 genres of non-music..(as they call it) that they wish to eradicate from IIT Bombay and perhaps, (a bit non realistically), the World.....

How ? you ask me...am i revealing all this....braving the metallic slasher wielding rock demons ( :P :P) that are at Staccato's command..... Well...That is the true story....The fall of staccato....and the upcoming battle.....

Last year ...Batthal, Akhil,Chinmay and Manjan were some of the very top echleon members of the Society who went onwards...This year the echleon is further depleted by an even greater number...Babban, Saurav,Hymen,JD and Sajid......Even Dhruv...one of the last senior Staccatoes....has been sent overseas to claim the Swiss shores......With these greats gone....the forces of staccato are vulnerable and open to attack and even.....even annexation.......

Over the years several members of the Music community chose to play non music ( excluded on the basis of language or genre) along with the true music....These members(The Fallen), notwithstanding their calibre and force of darkness......found themselves tainted forever....forced to stay on the fence, never accepted as a true member ........Some of these Greats like Kolte, Devang, Sophie and Swadesh are also leaving our number...thus leaving no real power in the fray...

NOW, it is time for battle.......Kovid, Gaddam,Kataria, Avinash, Kritin... The descendents of the Fallen, stand neutral as the multiple factions battle it out in a single desperate attempt to take over a dark black, yet glorious society...

We have the moderates....students of Dhruv's batch who felt that though the society has the correct aim..it's methods aren't true and good.(Kothi, Sathe !!)...They don their armor to fight for the defending team....Fighting with them are countless freshmen and sophomores who came to iit to find...finally..inclusion in exclusion....These metal heads are not, perhaps true members but desperation calls and the enemies of one's enemy are friends.....

The other factions are small and varied...yet alliances may make them strong....and 'Wuss up'(as Stacatoes say) the two great battles ...that of AD and Unplugged.....

The acoustics...who play super mild insipid stuff on non electric guitars.....the punk rebels...who know one thing about music...'If the distortion is on, it punks !!!' The new agers....who believe in the power of fusion...of battle through entwining harmonies.....and....the girls...This year due to some OSSUM strategy ...( what say Uttam ? :P) a band of freshmen ( hmmmm :P) girls was formed, which further inspired several others to join the fray....And last but definitely not the least....there is Saaz.... their traditional rivals.....If the legend about the Staccato misdirection strategy back in the 2005's was true...then their biggest rival may well be their biggest ally...But somehow ...i don't think so...




By the way...I am a Saaz Convener....


FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM !!!


PS: This is loosely based on true events....All names and descriptions are also caricatures....

PPS: No offfense meant......

PPPS: I LOVE THE BACKSTREET BOYS !!!!!

PPPPS : FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDOM !!!

In the beginning there was a cliche....

I am filled with a sudden urge to write.......I usually don't start off like this...In my experience...it is a precursor of
a) pure nonsense....(writing.....just that..arbitrariness(which wouldn't be incongruous come to think of it )
OR
b)something about responsibilities and ambitions, birds soaring in the sky unfettered and free and meanings of life....

Now don't get me wrong...i have done plenty of the latter...and indulge once in a while in the former( kind of like marijuana ?(Joking mom... !!)(i see a full fledged analogy here..satya ! :P))But coming back to why i don't start off like this.....i see that my explanation would lead to an indepth critique of society ( which will still be very superficial and kiddish) and conformism and rebellion as conformism and rebellion against 'rebellion as conformism' and so on in an infinite loop...It's like trying to second guess someone...You stand at a buffet and are about to take a plate when you wonder which one of them is most likely to be clean...the top one..naah..someone will have touched it..But what if someone who is a level 2 finick (second guessing someones second guess) was before you..then you have a problem...because you have just pushed that first domino and now you are dealing with infinitely many infinity level finicks and finally you pick the 3rd plate...because
a) you are hungry AND
b) you like the number three

Well, now i've digressed completely..Leaving you to wonder where we started.....don't worry...
a bit of a detour.... actually i got lost...Still don't know where this is supposed to be heading...but i'm sure if i keep going on i'll find something interesting....
Awkward Pause........

well...uhmm...ahem...some water maybe...sniff sniff....gargle....
( i love this part !!)
My two favourite topics : Love and Societyissoscrewedup are probably overdone by now ...Hell who am i kidding...they're like...burnt to a crisp...and are now..pure carcinogen...(apparently all the black burnt spots on chapatis, papads and tandoor cooked food are carcinogenic :P)

Even more awkward Pause....

Sorry was just checking my old posts to see what i had already written about so that those that have been following my stuff regularly (oh ha ha...:P) wouldn't get bored....
Anyway....
i remember saying something about success and then leaving off without having said anything...it was quite funny ...do go and read it....( useless, but very very persistent (!!) advertisement ....as only someone reading this will be part of my affected audience !! :P :P) and it strikes me.. that it's a very nice topic to write on..Lot's of twists and turns...no universally accepted funda...so generally scope for bullshittin...

There's this song..'American Dream' by switchfoot(the song's brilliant too http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14dWpg-sNPE), whose lyrics talk about success being equated with excess..and i thought....hey that's an interesting idea....and more or less universally accepted too...I mean...how often do you hear a fat guy in a furry robe and a mustache waddling around in a plush living room with a fireplace(which is even funnier...cause most of the time..this guy's an indian, and we sure as hell (!!!!!!!) don't need fireplaces ! ), looking kinda like a walrus...only not cute...saying.. "I have more money than i need(in hindi !)" Yup..A lot of people think that excess is succes...But then.. when i think about what i want from life...Interesting, stimulating work, friends and love.....I imagine having all these in excess.......and i go all.. Blah..boink ...BooYa...Wacka wacka.........Yadda Yadda...........

It would get real damn confusing and screwed up.....I mean...in that sense we do know what success is..It is having enough.... :P Or rather not wanting more.......In that sense...The Buddha was right...It follows logically...that if one doesn't want for anything..,,,he/she has enough...and is therefore successful.......But then...that's circular...cause success, in the broader..'son..be successful' sense of the word is defined as having enough..so back we are at the beginning...wishing....If only i am satisfied with what i have.... ! Though we don't think of it in those terms... :P
Truth is, we can never be satisfied...cause it is human nature to try and satisfy everyone....Like the story of the father, son and donkey...They were walking back home and some passersby said how stupid they were not to ride the donkey.The father told the son to sit on the donkey...Passersby commented on how the cruel young son was making his father walk while he rode the donkey.When the father sat..people said how the poor son was made to walk by his heartless father...they both climbed onto the donkey and people felt bad for the donkey...Finally they started carrying the donkey, and were adjudged mad.......

This is our fate.....By striving to please everyone, we end up going mad...Of course..it is a parable and as parables go..it's an exaggerated analogy...but it's not far from the truth...We do try to please everyone and we do go mad....
My advice...Do what you want, screw the rest...And success...well..Success is happiness.....It is making the most of what one has, being reconciled to the fact that not everyone is going to think so and not caring anyway.....

PS: But, recursively...some people are happy because someone else is happy...and therefore their opinion would matter to them....Therefore...excess is definitely not success !!!

PPS: Preach Preach Preach Yak Yak Yak....

PPPS:The recursion could also lead to a nasty loop if two people find happiness(rate of increase of.... rather) in each others happiness....if both have happiness equal to zero before this...Otherwise...with a positive value for happiness, it could lead to infinite happiness(impossible !!)...implies....
DON"T BELIEVE HIM/HER WHEN HE/SHE SAYS THAT..... !!!

(F)Art of living !!

Cliches....It once struck me that every good write up will have at least one cliched sentence.....And that cliche.....will be in it's perfect place...That every great writer will know this one thing...where to use a cliche.....or rather...one who knows this will always be a good writer/story teller.....Think carefully ....and you will see it too...How the most cliched thing said at the right time....has the effect it had the first time..with the added advantage that it strikes a familiar note ....making it not alien ...and hence the person becomes more receptive to the narrative...becomes more happy with it's creator......

Life.....(i'm wondering if my readers (note..the infinite paradox) have tired of this one yet ...?))Aah...just that one word....brings to mind...a young man lying down in a field looking at the stars and wondering......a middle aged woman standing in the middle of a busy street or a crowded railway station looking around her at the infinitely many people she sees, or an old couple sitting on their porch watching their(...not a typo !) sun set..... All of them....Sighing.......

We think of those moments when we are really, truly alive...when we wonder ...why we are here...and what exactly it is that we are to do with this 'life' of ours.....when for one moment...we stop and wonder, why we are running hither thither..pretending that we have goals.... and meaning..... and motives..... We stop....and for one moment we realise that we don't know what we want......And then....we sigh.....

In general, i have seen ( and further deduced from my..uhh... ..seeing !!) that people generally life their lives from short term goal to short term goal...... choosing a path and then optimising minor factors in that way of life...to suit themselves....I say...why not choose a perfect path....Most people give very little thought to what they want out of life.....Most people....i agree...do not get the chance.....Necessities of food, clothing and shelter, and upgrades of the same ( !!!!) occupy our minds to an almost parasitic extent.......Unless you are at a certain standard of living..... you 'need' to keep upgrading...to climbing....That much ....everyone will agree on.....but..what is this level.....how much comfort does one really need ? When does need turn into want...quietly, smoothly , almost slyly....fooling us into believing that we need the better couch....or the LCD screen TV.... or the 64 GB ipod touch....How does one know.....??

These question trouble me.....I am 19.With 2 years of graduate school left....I am nearing 'flying the nest time' Very soon...I will be on my own......Don't get me wrong..it's natural..In fact i wouldn't have it any other way......It's scary...but exciting...The questions are troubling...but indeed intriguing at the same time...they scream to be answered.....And i scream back....(as of now....just profanities....but ....very soon...!!)So i start thinking...and what with my exceedingly egomaniacal( Peter griffin would've screamed out loud....(Pardon me...but i consider 'Family Guy' to be an essential part of today's youth culture....!!)) nature....writing !! What would comprise a good life... a happy life...

First of all....One must have a goal......that much is clear....Whatever that goal maybe....it should seem like a lifetime's work at the time of goal-choosing....and till it's achievement should be the guiding factor in all decisions one makes.Also it must be something close to one's heart.....so as to make life meaningful......to give it purpose.....

Secondly.....To live one must have money.....therefore one must work.....( unless of course one has some steady source of income....!!!! Hurrah !!) and since work would generally take up a substantial part of one's day...it should be something one is interested in....and it should produce enough money for one to live on...( start off by considering one's parents'; or rather childhood standard of living( since one is accustomed to it))

Thirdly one must have a hobby (or more than one) different from one's goal....for you always tire of a thing, sooner or later......Something to turn to when bored or frustrated with one's goal......

Next, one must have a confidante.... someone to confide in, when you are tired, worried, sad happy or angry....Because every person loves to give vent to stuff...thoughts, ideas, feelings, emotions etc....You need someone to hear you out...to listen and nod comfortingly....someone to support you and yet someone who will not deceive you even if it is to try to 'protect' you from the world......

Further...you need someone to confide in you(Oftentimes this will be your confidante...but that is not necessary..) It does not matter if the person does not think of you as a 'confidante'....you have to think that he/she is .....that's all..(It's like everyone needs to be loved...but also needs to love...both functions are essential....and hence..to confide and to be confided in are essential to life....)

Finally...your confidante, like your goal, need not be boredom-proof..so you need friends...

Once you have a system in place..then you test it ( It's better to do this in your mind !!...) Experiment with your goal and your standard of living..your hobbies and your free time....your confidante and your friends......and try to get an optimum.....
The possibilities are infinite... One's system may change from time to time...but it's always good to have one at all points of time.....

Well....try my system out...if it works...well i'll don saffron robes and grow a beard (Damn !!).....

PS: How good was my cliche placement ??

PPS:Like skeletor promised.....I'm back !!!

PPPS: Missing a confidante !!!

PPPPS: Or wait...yeah...i confide in everybody.......

All around the mulberry bush....and POP !

One of the questions that has been troubling us since the emergence of philosophy and that almost everybody has an opinion on (which more or less qualifies it as a topic for my blog..I mean people who i can show up.....AND people will care..what else could i want) is the one about ethics....People have always judged their lives ( and more often !!) the lives of others, comparing it to some divine ideal....What is good and what is bad....And is the intention what matters or the actual effects caused by your actions ?

ABBTMS(almost the beginning but technically a Mid Post):Yes..Once more..i have managed to select a very difficult question that the whole world has been trying to solve ( unsuccessfully !) for centuries..And once more, by sheer 'beating around the bush'....well actually...revolving about it at a high speed and holding out a stick, whose length is the radius of my orbit minus the length of my outstretched arm....( Yes..i am a techie...They don't call it IIT for nothing...)i will manage to wriggle out and still appear to be a very deep, philosophical, mature individual...while i'm actually...a childish,impulsive,mad person..who writes ABBTMS's in his blogs...!!!

Well...First of all...The question about good and bad has been answered sufficiently well in the book 'Shantaram' by a character called Abdel Khader Khan..He tells the narrator that Whenever one is confused about good and bad one must ask oneself...'If everyone did this..would it lead to a better world ?' and decide accordingly...But of course...there are problems with this understanding...First of all, for the analysis to be exact, all the people should be playing exactly the same part in exactly the same scenario...And in most cases, this is impossible practically..Some situations...in fact the most difficult ones to analyze...are isolated ones that very few people will ever be a part of....Secondly..Most of the times..It is the degree of good and bad that we are analysing and all things are clearly not black or white....In most everyday situations our dilemmas are of the second kind....Where the effect on the world of 2 slightly differing alternatives as performed by everyone in the world must be considered...and that ...is difficult if not impossible..In the more 'Ethical code red' scenarios,the situation is of the first kind, where khan's analysis is absurd....(Statistics will tell you that whenever we are talking about rare situations..data generation is a problem ( because of the rarity) and hence so is prediction...and this is somewhat my point)

But anyway, theories is what we want and not real life solutions..Most people have a good enough ( !!) ethical code that they use as a standard...so what we are actually looking for is a hard and fast rule, a formula.... just to have fun..It's good to know that there is a solution, even if it is impractical and insoluble...It makes us feel safe...that there is some logic, some order beyond things, something that we can understand and react to....
But enough of this armageddonry and chaos rumor mongering( enough for now that is....:P)..I'll proceed to the next section....Intention...

Sometimes, even though our intentions are good, we see that factors beyond our control( or so we think..(If my blog had a theme music...i would play the dark,sinister, 'potential of doom' one form the previous paragraph)) make the effects of our actions bad...( with respect to the 'no action taken' scenario)...This is seen most commonly in slapstick comedy cinema, where, in the middle of a fight, the clumsy henchman waits with a club to hit some one from the opposite side, but ends up hitting 'the boss'( typically bollywood, though hollywood does it's fair bit too)What really matters here, the intention....or the actual actions ?
One one hand, if something bad happens, then the action should be termed bad, for intentions, like potential ( which i ranted about in my second blog) do not affect the world, and hence should not feature in any judgment...On the other hand, how is a person supposed to know the exact effect of his action..With so many factors variable, each one affecting the outcome in a totally different manner, how can one judge...Moreover, how does one judge whose ( why isn't who's used ??!! :P)
action it was that actually caused the outcome...I mean..Petrol being dropped carelessly near a pile of paper and the careless throwing of a cigarette ( in this case, none of the actions are voluntary..but it makes my point) both could contribute to a massive fire, but which one's responsible ?? Also if a person analyses something less than another, is he bad ? Is stupidity a crime ??


In my opinion, Intentions should be used to judge people, for they are a measure of inherent goodness of people, just as potential is a measure of their, well ...potential(:P)(The two judgments are exact analogues..)

Anyway...there...i got away clean..


PS: That was good !

PPS: I'm reading Simone de Beauvoir's 'The Second Sex' and progressing (surprisingly) well.....So stay tuned for some posts on women..

PPPS: I dunno why i said that..'Cause i like to brag( Oh..I read 'serious literature', or 'cause i was too excited about a pending post on 'la femme'....

PPPPS: More of the latter though..the former could have been done on several other occasions....

PPPPPS : Like that one...:P

BFF !!

"I confess....I have wronged you...I should've ...i know...I should've done it a long time ago....Please....Give me one chance..A day's time to make amends. I am, but human.I forgot...." I cowered, tail between legs, whimpering.....
Lockjaw growled......He looked at me with a snarl on his face, the discolouration on his face all the more out of place, unnerving....scary even...Then he stepped back, muscles no longer tense...turned away.....and loped off......
I heaved a sigh of relief.....I knew it had been a big blunder and a narrow escape.How could I have forgotten...All along ...i had been looking at the big picture.....and had forgotten about the small things...the things that really mattered...I had made the crass error of forgetting to write about dogs on my blog (snigger)? And now it had come back to bite me in the butt ( literally !! as it has been all along ( fooled ya !!))
Anyway 'lockjaw' exists..He lives in hostel 9, iit bombay...He's completely white except for a brown patch that covers one of his eyes ( and a bit on his back)....His 'best pal in the whole world' is twyster....who's a mixture of brown and black is constantly twisting and turning in ecstasy.....( at least that's the only way i've seen him.....I'm told...he paints a different picture in my absence ....)Also...another fella that stays with them is silky...(recently named) who's got the most awesome coat....but is really too in love with me....He( or she....really not gone there :P) looks to conserve the number of scratches on my body at each of our encounters....which makes me heave a sigh of relief that swarsandhya's over....( let it suffice that during swarsandhya times...i would have to keep going to hostel nine...)Anyway...coming back to lockjaw...he's probably one of my favourite dogs in the universe( about a billion of those..) He's got an awesome set of teeth and his comical half and half face is like a naughty little pirate's( yes....i know ..i'm beginning to sound like a doting mother in english cinema or Enid blyton...!!!) and his bark..! Oh ! it's truly amazing...Loud and sharp..It's a true 'Arf' not a wussy' wuff' or a girly ' yip yip'....By god man, when he barks...i am tempted to throw my bag off ( yes...sigh...still attending classes...) and run beside him...barking for joy...
Then there's simba....who slept in my ( 'and mine 'Says Dk indignantly) room for nearly a year, would pee sometime during the night, then shake himself( uuurggh) dry and then proceed to another spot....iteratively !!.....Now, he's a fat piggy( bad dog !!) fellow, who's nevertheless adorable ( and i mean A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E) with his sniffling and purring( i swear....)Also there's 'THe Godfather' who's a huge solemn kinda dog...trotting along sedately with his entourage....very much acting the rightful part of the ex-alphamax dog....
A comic pair is that of 'Divyanshu'( named after his yellow ochre coat and it's similarity to a filthy shirt that a friend owns and loves...and wears...too much), a tiny foxy and infinitely spirited dog who's never, ever backed away from a fight and maintains that all of the institute is rightfully his and he works to that end...drinking maybe 10 litres of water a day ( :P) and 'Sharky', who's a big broad faced, short snouted dog, who loves me so much, he tries to rip my hand to shreds every time he sees me.....Their 'playful' banter( comprising mostly snarls and growls) is a must watch .....
I could go on and on about the dogs i've known...'Buck'( of 'The call of the wild' fame), Tigger( from Winnie the pooh)....several dogs called 'Mangy' ( !!!!), my aunt's dogs Goldy, Snowy, Mowgli and Andy....My own, Tinker belle and Patch and others......but then, that would take a lifetime.....and i wouldn't want to do injustice to any of them....or they'd just come after me...like Lockjaw.....
Mark twain said that 'If you take a dog off the streets, feed him and take care of him, then he will not bite you.....and That is the chief difference between a dog and a man...'It is true, that dogs are loyal...But even more basic to their nature is love....All they want is love....They ask nothing form you....but love...Dogs who i've never ever fed food follow me for miles.... jumping with joy everytime they see me... They follow me , through several unfriendly territories....and fight through the hostel 6 dog defenses..to come right upto my room......And these are dogs i've known for a year or more.....I might've fed them three or four times...but the dedication and love they have for me is far beyond the imagination of any human being....They gain nothing from me....Nothing at all.....No stimulating conversation, no favours, just my company....just that...

I never believed in love...I thought it to be impractical....I was asked by a friend, whether i could imagine a loved one, completely crippled and having lost control over all thought and speech..He asked if i could love them, just for them...I replied that maybe the memories of good times spent together would create such a 'love'...He said that i was stalling..that i knew what he was talking about...I thought for a moment and replied....No...It's impossible....I mean..if a person can't think and speak..is he still that same person...that person you once were friends with ??Can love be ...just arbitrary...as a reaction to love ??.....I had answered in the negative then.....but now that i think about it...i was wrong....It would be a great disrespect to my friends.....the furry ones .....It would be a total disregard of the principle that their lives are based on....that love can be reciprocated by just love....and nothing else....In their company....i feel human......
PS: And no...i didn't forget Tuffy...My...dog....my brother....my friend...He's the sweetest, most loving creature i've ever met....Stayed with me and followed me along for more than a year.... Haven't seen him for ages...Wherever he is, i hope he's happy....And yeah...ALL Dogs go to heaven !!
PPS: Ditto for you tigger...
PPPS: Damn...i did it again :P
PPPPS: Woof !!

More Angst

As usual...I am writing something....but instead of getting to the point directly...i love to beat around the bush...wander here and there....blow a little bubblegum balloon now and then.....then maybe try to lick my elbow (and i swear ...i have once licked ketchup off it...) ..flex my muscles a bit and suck my tummy in...and put on a face that makes me look constipated and rather like Solomon grundy (http://marvel.com/ Awesome site) than Superman.......and then sometimes i ease into the topic rather elegantly....and sometimes i just come straight out and break the fourth wall (or it's literary analogue....) and introduce the topic..Sometimes i am actually confused about what my topic will be ...and am actually stalling....and thinking at the same time...about what i should write....And actually that's what life is....

(:P)What are we doing with our lives...I mean does anyone have even the slightest idea....or are we just 'err'ing and 'hmmm'ing and waiting for the recess bell to ring ?? I mean, sure, we have goals and stuff...I wanna be rich or famous or change the world ( among the most ambitious and wholesome...) ...But does anyone ever really think about when he will be on his deathbed thinking...."What the hell...Why ?"..." Why did i just go through life...and Why did i just do all that stuff ...Most of it would've made no sense even then, even if i had tried to think about it...."...I mean i'm not talking about very 'high brow' ( and according to me ..more or less meaningless) stuff like 'Why are we here?' ...but rather.... about how we life on a very small scale....making choices that seem right at the time..but are orthogonal or sometimes anti parallel( couldn't help it :P ) to what our final aim is....We should really think about what we want to do ...with life....not in life...but what would be a near perfect scenario that we could live in indefinitely.....Of course what we want to do may change...but our decisions at each point of time ( wait for it... wait for it....) should leave us pointing in the direction of our instantaneous life goal vector ( !!!!! :P)
I know myself that my life goal has changed several times...oscillating, though not simple harmonically, between 3-4 options...but i always make decisions keeping it in mind...And it's worked for me...Of course the relation may not be causal...But at least ill be more like, " I'm dumb !", on my deathbed( at worst) rather than " What the f**k"....(At best)......

Going into the specifics...

A lot of people do a lot of stuff just because it's cool, or because everyone's doing it.....All their lives..all their decisions are made on the basis of social norms..While this may be a safe route in some cases ( and sometimes that's even the motive) many times people just want to be accepted by everyone..they want to be part of a group....I see obvious examples of this everyday and there are definitely others that are subtler...."Why ?" Once....Ask yourself this....How many people out of those are such that you actually care about their opinion..Why is it that if 200 fools get together....they become some super intelligent entity ?....Why do we let out lives be dictated by people who have no stake in it ? We want to play it safe...and we want assurance and acceptance..For once..grow a pair.....Do what YOU think is right ....

I remember reading in 'Chicken soup for a soul' about this kid who once made fun of a girl that other kids always used to make fun of 'cause she used to wear old fashioned clothes..And he says how he regrets to this day,that he did it..In fact...'The Chicken Soup' series has many examples of such confessions where people have regretted stuff they did long ago due to societal pressure.....In this case the result...was a (painful) twinge of regret about not having done the right thing...but in some cases it will be about life changing decisions...and that...is something you do not want to regret......

PS: 'Conformity Is A Disease And Rebellion Is The Cure': I once had a Tshirt that said this..At the time i wore it cause it was anti-establishment and cool...( sigh...the irony...) but now....well...i wish i still had it...

PPS: By the way...i remember asking if my posts were too preachy and pedantic....Yup..they are !!!!

PPPS: Chicken soup is Awesome !!!( both for the stomach and the soul !)

PPPPS: Re: the title...Remember...'Tell me why',' More tell me why','Still more tell me why','Here's more tell me why' and the like.....Well....stay tuned :P

Face off !

DISCLAIMER : The following..uh..(write up...article..rant......) thing is very cynical and was conceptualised in a moment of extreme frustration and disgust.... Feelings like these often flare up arbitrarily...with no obvious reason...Something snaps and the facade of the calm,smiling,sophisticated person that you pretend to be, maybe even thought you were suddenly falls away...leaving you angry, disgusted,ashamed at yourself....Then you think, analyse, reason and go looking for the facade....telling yourself never to be spontantaneous or genuine ( couldn't find a thrid adjective here, sorry !! :P) ever again....At least it happens to me...And...like most things...these feelings are considered to be a sign of extreme weakness by some and that of extreme moral strength by others....After the moment has passed i thought about it and realised that things weren't as bad as i had once imagined them to be...but still felt that those thoughts were true enough to deserve lasting (though how lasting i cannot say !!) mention....so here goes...optimists beware...you have been warned...

My literature (or rather 'approaches to literature' as he would prefer to be called..and i understand fully and sympathise with him on that point) prof. once mentioned in class that someone or the other had said that all our life's a drama...it's a role we're playing..fully mindful of the audience and their reactions.....( and no..it's not'All world's a stage' that's by shakespeare and i know that.... XP)And i was like...was he the one they executed....( i mean..obviously i didn't say that but..i definitely thought that..( actually i didn't even think that..but hey..it's a really cool thing to say..!))And that statement really hit me....Not because it was something new..because such ideas..(of intense anger at the world and self righteousness and blah blah blah..) frequently occupy my mind...(self righteousness...blah blah blah indeed !!!) and not because it was a very smart way of putting it....but because sometimes....you have a large bloody pile of dynamite and all it takes is some small stupid spark...And it's happened with me several times... ideas and feelings that have been in you for a long time come bursting out as reactions to very strange and extremely arbitrary incidents....And then there's no wondering....'how the hell ?' but only the boom...Thoughts, feelings and ideas come rushing at you and you feel irrationally sad or happy or scared or ..as in this case...(and i think i said this before :P) angry, disgusted and ashamed......
(MS: If people accuse me of being verbose.....i plead guilty.. and it's fun...I mean i could write everything that i want to say about an idea in one sentence which would run to about 3-4 lines...but without the analogies and the rants and the infinite brackets and the :P's.... it's no fun....don't you agree ??!)

Well now that i've finished digressing ...(at least for now) i'll get back to what i was really emotional and all 'angry,disgusted and ashamed' about (was being the operative word... obviously !!)It's this world...and the way it's turned out....Your always playing a character...judging the reactions of others, changing your story...adding a bit to it, trimming some,lopping some off.....Sweet talking, fake laughing, up sucking (!!) and generally behaving in a way that would dry up an amazed(awestruck rather..) crocodile's tears.... And that's just the dark side....Every moment we say something we're thinking about how people would judge us based on what we just said....they're thinking the same..only they're also thinking about how their judgements would represent their biases and prejudices ..and how they would wish to appear before the world( some biases are cool you see...) We think about what we appear to be rather than what we are and what we should be( and yes..i do believe that there is some idea..foggy(very very...) though it may be...of an ideal we should strive to attain..)And this stunts all personal development..We live our entire lives as mere puppets in the hands of society..which in essence is the majority ( which is stupid and easily led (hint hint !!))and also largely dependent on luck..( The right or wrong set of circumstances can make or break the popularity of an idea or a movement)) and we work towards goals that society sets for us, do things that society decides are right for us and generally become robots...only (and this is doubly worse) we think that we have free will....Our mind works on an algorithm that judges the reactions to our behaviour and modifies them to conform...(nowadays it is believed (and this may be true..that rebellion is the new conformity..but that's just as bad...)
All in all we end up living not as ourselves but what the world wants us to be.....Most of our relationships are not genuine...they're means to an end...the ultimate end...recognition and approval, not by any person in particular , but by the world in general....And genuine relationships are important ..rather essential for a person's true development....And by true genuine relationships i do not mean those relationships where there is no criticism whatsoever of the other but rather where one's only reason for saying a thing is that he/she actually believes it.....And how do you decide who you can be genuine with..Well that's easy (or not..) If you are sure that the other person values genuinity (or genuineness or whatever !) then you can be genuine with him...But again, you will realise that this definition is recursive...You can be genuine if the other person wants to be genuine which in turn will happen if he knows that you want to be genuine and so on....ad infinitum...But generally things are much easier..Some rebellious (or rather non conforming..whatever that may be !) ideas ...when voiced aloud in a seemingly temporary loss of reason will be from a person who still craves genuinity in his life and there you have it... you're off....
A relationship where both participants speak their mind freely knowing that it's one person judging them...not a horde..knowing that whatever prejudices and biases that person my have...they can be argued against, for they are one man's prejudices and not a society's 'etched in stone' 'principles'....(first time..doesn't look to pretty ..but it was necessary.. !)And according to me..Marriage serves this purpose excellently , almost as if it were designed for this...Since in normal society you can't be genuine all the time and even if you're with a person with whom you do share a genuine rapport with but in the company of others you may have to say things that you would not ordinarily..but if you are alone at any time with that person you can explain things to him/her....and this particular requirement is satisfied by marriage, by design ....Therefore your best chance at a tailormade 'as perfect as it can get' genuine relationship is marriage..So choose wisely....

PS: I wanted to write another midscript but it would have been a PMS (!!! :P)
PPS: Of course, in any relationship intellectual compatiblity to some extent is essential but I'm talking about other, hidden requirements...
PPPS: Every time i wrote the word 'relationship' i felt that it would be misconstrued ....so don't !
PPPPS: IIT ( or rather any residential educational program) is an awesome breeding ground (lol) for genuine relationships (oops ...) but it doesn't last forever...People try...but the insti wised up...!!!!
PPPPPS: Oh..and yeah...It's been a long time since i posted blah blah..been busy..blah blah
PPPPPPS: :P !!

Musing on the muse.....

Yesterday ....when i sat down to write..without a thought in mind..a friend told me...." Oi ! Are you crazy..You'll just sit down...to write.without anything in mind...just like that..that's just too egomaniacal..!"
"Hell yeah..!"


But seriously...sometimes...you have to manufacture inspiration...pull it out of the air....just imagine it into being...Inspiration is something that man relies heavily upon(and yeah...i know your not supposed to end a sentence with a preposition..but it sounds nice)....Omens, portents, sparks, lit-up electric bulbs in the air, just above your head and about an inch or so to the left of the center-line (!!)Well...I think a lot of people lose out...just because of their insistence upon...omens..and signs...I mean...do you really think that God sits around thinking of complex schemes and contraptions to inspire people..."Hell no !"....All this serendipity stuff....i don't believe...We believe..what we want to believe...creating tedious links between something that happened and something that we want that something to mean....Many people, when faced with the proverbial fork in the road...need a sign to take the one less taken..but easily accept the other one ..in the absence of any inspiration...Now obviously the fact that the other road appears to you implies that you have some inclination to taking it...and the common road..well it's huge..man..a regular thoroughfare..with petrol pumps and a mall and what not..(:P)What i really wonder is ..What did the first guy do ? and how many did it take to make that road the norm?

In my view...each era brought us a different norm..For example...Different ideologies flourished at different times and different parts of the world..at each time...the intellectual crossroads had different thoroughfares....and of course...the path..or paths less chosen..are dependent on the individual...But what i speak of is not ideas but rather..ways of life....Currently..and i would think ever since the downfall of the great empires of yore...the common path has been that of comfort..We strive for creature comforts..(Now i know...that sentence doesn't make much sense..it sounds incomplete somehow..but it's perfect really..I can't think of a better word...)Specifically for me...the path that is the norm is an MBA/entrepreneurial enterprise (Funny how entrepreneurship is the norm for a person in my situation...A lot of people go off the beaten track..and suddenly there are billions of civil contractors (:-P))And i guess, as soon as people meet with success on the path they have chosen...(with measure of success upon total number of people having taken that path as a formal parameter for comparison) that path starts getting press coverage..(:-P) and clearly..here..today..success would be measured in terms of money and fame....because on the whole...this era's norm is wealth and creature comforts...

When we wait for a sign...we are just testing our ability to find tenuous links to our path and expressions of confidence from God in everyday occurrences (!)And people who lack this imaginative ability lose out..and complete the rest of their existence on the highway....thinking 'If only..' ( yeah i know it's cliched..'It's not life..it's merely existence blah blah..' but yeah cliches rock... \m/)And it's kinda like...flipping a coin to decide something..but then suggesting (to yourself) a best of 3 after the result and the best of 'n+2'subsequently till you get the result you desire(:P)....Sadly enough...you realise what you want only after you've flipped the coin...and in life..it's pretty hard to cut through the brush to get to the other road....

Don't wait yaar....

One controversial discussion that automatically follows as a result of the previous one..is the concept of duty....especially to one's parents and well wishers....Were it not for our parents we wouldn't be here..(Maybe they were out of cash !!!!!!! :P)If they had been alcoholics and druggies..we might not even be thinking about stuff like this..(or as my mom likes to say..."You ungrateful wretches wouldn't have the freedom and confidence to think this way !")After all it is true that some basic needs must be satisfied before our minds turn to higher spheres...Only the man with a bellyfull of food and siting on a comfy chaise longue can think about ethics and discuss abstract ideas...Most 'would be philosophers' overlook this fact.So..our parents gave birth to us (our mothers looked like whales for 9 months and endured labour for god knows how many hours and our fathers tried so hard to pretend to feel the pain...they looked constipated...and sometimes even were so... !!),they raised us, educated us, put clothes on our backs and food in our tummies...they deserve our ear....Then again..it's your life..you get only one...you should do what you want..After all..having a child is a choice made consciously by a couple...(uhh...i'm assuming...)And once they bring a child into this world..it is their duty to take care of it...A free willed creature creating something with free will always brings ambiguity into the picture...Once..i was discussing this with a friend and he took the side of duty...remarking how a lot of people of our generation were wasting their lives....Of course, I had to take the other side of the issue..but only for the sake of argument..As i said later..I'm not convinced about either side of the argument...Issues other than logical ones arise in a topic as delicate as this...The audience i'm really targeting comprise the people who di have a clear opinion about this...Think about it...It's pretty gray...

In conclusion, don't wait for a sign...God 's a sadist...!!
Oh..and yeah..look before you leap....Oops..cowdung :-P


PS: I hate the way blogger doesn't convert my 'i's' into 'I's'

PPS: Totally disconnected from the topic at hand..are my comments about the non existent audience of this blog and their intellect still funny..please do get back to me about this..
PPPS: On the other hand...is anyone out there....(echo...)

PPPPS: Maybe someone someday will stumble upon this blog...and deliver me from this island co ordinates 78.6 N and 33.4 E

PPPPPS: I don't know what those co ordinates are..so don't go searching for a globe for heaven's sake...

PPPPPPS: "This is fun !" said red hen !!!

Beauty..

"There are several things..ideas...words...concepts that we use daily...but we have not yet clearly defined...." said my literature prof. I as always...am short of topics to write on....and this time..i knew i'd hit the mother lode...For when something that's a common concept isn't understood or,as in this case, defined properly..we ....we..uhh...'people who like to go on and on about their views on arbitrary topics that other people should really not give a damn about, but i'm funny and people seem to like what i say so hey!... what the hell !' get the opportunity to wax eloquent...So i was like..cool..I get free topics...Not only that....but i also get the definition of a perfect topic...

On those lines...Beauty...what is beauty ?...Actually..even as i start writing this ....i can see a pitfall...well..a whole freakin' grand canyon as a matter of fact... I know..that i'll 'define' beauty and then go on to describe it...and sooner or later..i'm going to fall headfirst into a topic that i feel very strongly about...but am pretty sure that i have exhausted...whatever material(none..) i had on the topic...'Love' is, of course what i'm talking about...
But anyway..i must chance that..so i think that rather than deleting this or leaving it as a draft(cause i have always deleted my old drafts...) i will continue..and talk about beauty for a while...and let's see where that takes me..And as an extremely verbose friend of mine said ('verbose bad', not 'verbose good'....and some of my readers know who i mean...) i will pursue that flighty temptress ....adventure(which .... in turn he copied verbatim from another very famous book(Parry Otter :-P).....and yeah..reproduction in a pompous voice is another of my friend's talents....:-P)

Well enough of this...uh..well foreplay..as Inspector Clouseau would say..and let me proceed....Beauty... i think would be defined by the presence of a certain quality in an object or individual that makes it pleasing to someone's senses or mind....Again...we indians were right...sometimes..one can sense with the head as well...And as can be clearly seen through my definition( which i feel is quite complete.. and thus that excludes beauty from the said mother lode !) that the 'senser'(lol) plays an important role in this beauty..He has to be pleased, for the object/person to be beautiful....

So let us conduct an experiment ...a thought experiment ..through which we shall prove an important law regarding beauty..First of all let us assume...that the interaction between the senses and the object/person is happening for the first time...not unlike ..pulling aside some curtains..and yelling "Behold!" at the same time...By that logic..the senser..should be more precisely defined as the beholder...and then applying a very simple synecdoche ...of replacing all of the senses with just one (to make the proof statement more..elegant..beautiful dare i say ??)...say...'eyes'...( you see where i'm getting, right ?!) you arrive at one of the most fundamental theorems of beauty...
'Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder'
Now that we have this clear...let's solve some elementary problems.................
Whenever i read of beauty, or hear of it...it is the physical kind...In fact some Post modernist schools of thought..go so far as to replace the old fundamentals by new principles...chief among which is 'Beauty is skin deep' I can see where that comes from.. If one is to define beauty as that which pleases by it's presence alone...and that too..if the "Behold ! Voila!!" part is retained..then the statement that beauty is only skin deep may appear to be true...however..general biases and prejudices... and just a previous knowledge of the object of one's scrutiny..come into play as well...Of course..that is a totally different thing to analyse...However..let us assume the case of an average, unbiased individual..For him, using the second definition beauty would certainly be skin deep....But then again..would it be beauty ?? Wouldn't the very spirit of the term 'beauty' as it is used today (and that is the way it must be studied)be in violation of the fact that it is skin deep ... superficial...I think..that beauty is meant to be something ....that is permanent....unfixed ...changing..Your perception might change..but beauty never will....Hence i move that the previous argument be struck from the record...( But the prosecutor looked at each of the judges to make sure that the comment was not struck from their minds !!(ahh...the idealistic stories of perry mason !))

So beauty..comes from within as well...and one of the traits, that i felt has been vilified today by being called 'gay' by the great dumb cynical snobholes of our generation...(as most things are..!!) is niceness...kindness....Today while entering into a relationship....one thinks of all kinds of virtues and vices..(intelligence, sense of humor, beliefs etc ...but no one thinks about whether that person is nice or not....how he/she treats others..how willing they are to help someone without any ulterior motive...Well..according to me...niceness tops the list of desirable qualities...Often in school...i was reprimanded for using the adjective 'nice' to describe an individual....as it was considered to be very weak, and just barely complimentary( 0.0000000001)But to me..i think it is the nicest(:P starting now..) thing you can hear...Not to hear mothers say it....cause..well...agreed,,sometimes it is used as the compliment ..when there is no other compliment (:P)....and mothers are generally really nice!(the other nice..the good one !!)....But...really...we try to be smart, chic, cool and stuff....for once ..we should try to be nice... and if that's gay...then well...

Your place or mine ??!!

PS: I think my high school teachers will be pleased at the infinite Proverbs/Quotes/Sayings i used !

PPS: To all my nice friends....carry on the good work....

PPPS: I wanted to write more..but ...i started watching family guy ! Seth mc'farlane is GOD.... and so is Kevin smith !!

Kalki ....or...not...

It was a fine winter morning in bombay...The way a winter evening can be fine..only in bombay..Here for us...Winter was more like...Well ....not summer (and believe me...that was a relief...as all my readers who have been in bombay...and another place, during the winter, will know...) So this was a fine winter morning, as i told you.Once again..by fine, i mean the weather.....it was nice and hospitable...but my schedule....well...it was a disaster...3 lectures followed by that bane of all mechanical engineering students....workshop practice..or as it was called, in our sophomore(i love long words, don't you ?!!) year..Manufacturing Processes lab...It was the most mind numbing work that we had ever done and believe me...we were students who had cracked the IIT JEE after 2 (and in some cases 3) years of solving math and physics problems of the same type ad nauseum ( oh..and don't get me started on chemistry !) Those among us who loved to twiddle nobs and watch stuff burn, or wished to release pendulums and calibrate strain gauges.. the work seemed below their dignity...which showed from their rigid postures and disgusted expressions as they haughtily gazed at the cutting tip which spewed out metal ribbons, merrily whining all the time(!!)Those among us who had once looked forward to this course enthusiastically...hoping to see hammers and anvils awaiting us...and molten metal flowing all around(Me!Me!Me!)...rather like that Unreal tournament map...(Don't remember the name...and have absolutely no enthu to google it..) were bored by..this..job that was ...well ..it was downright pansy....

Did i say anything about my department...Oh well...now's as good a time as any other..The mechanical engineering department is the largest in iit bombay..with i think, 103 students...Well ..our professors have devised an excellent technique of instruction....something that they undoubtedly borrowed from Mother nature...Of course somewhat tuning it down...for fear of having the SPCA( Society for prevention cruelty to adolescents(though some think that the A stands for animals !) at their doors...Now..Great Mother Nature usually doesn't give any lessons at all..just takes the exam...Well here in Mech. Engg., we do have instruction (thanks to the SPCA !), but....once the exams (and then the results ) arrive..students realise..that the professors have 'done a nature' on them...for only in the end did one actually realize..what was expected...and how miserably short one had fallen of high standards....Well anyway...Now we had better reflexes, our muscles always taut, some of us having purchased (or invented ) devices that could recognize ( and awake from slumber, a student) if it recognised the word coming from the professor's mouth as 'quiz' or 'assignment'...
Anyway...i am rambling...Digressing from the main topic..the events of that afternoon's workshop class...We all assembled in the Lathe and Shaping section....all of us having postponed our baths ( some for fear of getting dirty and others...with the misplaced hope of the same !!)I was assigned to work on a lathe...to reduce the diameter of a steel (mild steel that too!....boohoo...) from 60 mm to 35 mm...which sounds very 'AWESOME !' but really involved no more manual labour than turning a small handle through several revolutions....So i started doing that...doing each task mechanically...with an extremely bored look on my face....Suddenly (oh yeah...it's always so sudden ! and in several stories...inexplicable as well !!) the whole machine broke and came crashing down on my foot ...I only had time to think...'Oh ..so that's why we're supposed to wear shoes in the workshop..Now maybe the bone will just break and not get powdered..!!' when the whole damn thing hit my foot..broke into two pieces and fell on the floor......I just stared....Then there was a flash of light....and the next thing i know..i was lying down in a room so unbelievably white...that ..well...i don't know..it was very white... okay ..(Sheesh..It's hard to come up with good similes ..)A man next to me said.."Ah.. He's awake.."in an unmistakably south indian
accent...
" Where am I?" I asked
" This is a secret government facility..."
I tuned out...The 6 words i had always dreamed of hearing...finally..albeit..i was usually in Israel and the person telling me was a ravishing dusky goddess named something like Ayala rather than a portly tamil guy in a lungi...but what the hell...
" Pardon me..i didn't hear a word that you were saying...i was..uhh....gloating....."
" Well" he said in a very patient voice " As i said.. you are in a secret government facility...You are also infinitely strong and indestructible..well...nearly.."
" Were there experiments ? Did you f***ing check my tensile strength and other shit like that ??( At the same time looking at my hands..Nope...no marks of hooks or stretch marks or the like...)..Well answer me.."
"Err..Let's not get into that shall we..."
" Why did this happen to me..Why now...and How many others are there like me.."
" As to your last question..you are one of 12 identified in the world and the only one in india..As to the former questions ...we have no idea..."
"Ohhh....Gimme a minute please..."
*** Gloat................***
"So... the other 11...they have the same powers as me ?? Indestructibility ? When do i meet them?...DO i have to train?....Are any of them..uhh...aligned against well...us...? Uhhh..who is 'us' ?"
" Well...The thing is ...Nations across the world... have infinitely many scouts in their own countries to spot..your kind...Most of them till now ...have been very amiable..."
"Not predisposed to World domination and the such you mean..."
"Uhh..Yes..."
" Ok..So tell me..What do i do ?? Join some..uh.. league of..uh.. extraordinary gentlemen?(Hey are there any..superchicks ?) Go to some other country as the cultural attache, but really spy on their government ? Help to build a ginormous (gigantic+enormous) shelter in case of tsunamis or nuclear attack ? "( Much in the fashion of "Lemme at 'em! Lemme at e'm ! Lemme splat 'em !!")

" Actually..you'll be working in a foundry at Rourkela...."
...UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE...

...VERY UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE...

" Are-You-Kidding-Me ?!"I yelled...

" No...When the first..super human was discovered...all the nations in the world agreed that the use ( I glared..)..i mean...potential of these individuals in the direction of warfare will not be ...uhh...exploited...Therefore...we have decided to give you work in a steel mill....You will be the only worker there..Your super strength and invulnerability will help you run the whole thing smoothly..Also your pay will be...."He quoted a sum..and even my eyes grew wide....
" We have prepared a cover story for you...You will be accompanied by your control...A Mr. Khanna ...He will be your guardian..till you reach the age of 21......"
" Wait a minute....So i'm supposed to work in a steel mill..using my super strength and invulnerability to scoop big ladles of hot steel and pour them into moulds and stuff like that....and just stay in a town like Rourkela all my life.."
" Well..You'll have a private jet....and an airstrip...and who knows..the political situation may change...."( Democrat in Republican clothing....!)
"And what about my friends and my family"
"Memories wiped clean....They've forgotten that you ever existed"
(Sniff Sniff !!!Oh...screw it ...who am i kidding !!)
" SO...."
I'd have to do some intense physical labour..(though how intense it would feel with my super strength i don't know....)and i would rake in the moolah...

Sigh.....

I was Happy....

****GLOAT.........****


PS: A sequel looks good...

PPS:Thanks to my inspirations..Prof. B Ravi (!),Man pro lab,Steel sterling and some high school geography !

PPPS: A lot of stuff about workshop and the mechanical department was exaggerated....though, of course...some was not.....good luck trying to guess which....

PPPPS: Seriously...please comment on this guys...cause i'm really not sure how it turned out....

PPPPPS: Sigh.......

WTF ?!

I read an article in the paper yesterday that was written by some 12th standard student about her JEE coaching class and the intense pressure that was put on the students to clear the JEE.Something about IIT standing for Indian institute of terrorism and not Indian institute of technology....Again, today i saw that the second page of the TOI was dedicated almost completely to teen suicides...And i was thinking "WTF !"

First of all...middle class indian parents are highly enamored with IIT, some to the extent of being so obsessed that they care not what their child wants to do in life...They drive the poor sod so hard, that even if he does get through the JEE, his fundas are all messed up and he can't make full use of the opportunities that a place like iit can give him...And then he spends his life ...always over working....and it was all started by something that their parent's decided they must do..CLASSIC TRANSFERENCE !! And some poor misguided soul blames IIT ...Is it really our fault..Indian institute of terrorism..I mean i understand that misdirected anger could have caused the writer of the article to call IIT ...uh...you know what..but the guys who published it weren't stupid..were they ?I mean..Yeah..none of us is going to write a reply to that(yeah...the writer's email id had been included)...sparking a stupid..but nevertheless hilarious sparring session..Of course it could have been a seriously angry iitian (who, if i had to stereotype..would be 'a gulti(someone from andhra) that thinks he is cool'...(don't get angry yet....i specifically wrote 'stereotype') And yeah..it would most probably be a guy....We're the ones with the humongous egos....And then..what followed would have proved the writer's point... !!

Secondly: suicides !!What the hell man...I mean...I know people will come to me and say stuff like..."You know not what i've gone through.." or " You know where i come from beatch !!You ain't been hurt like i have"( Trying to emulate in writing the typical African-American actors in hollywood films ! )But i can definitely say fo sho(:D) that at 18 i don't see how life can become worthless....It's always better to live than to die..In fact...when it's the worst...Then it can't get any worse, can it ?..and...yeah..life will look up...I mean...by killing yourself, your just eliminating the non zero chance of a happy life...cause once life is over, there's no way you can be happy....It's stupid mathematically speaking...I also understand, that it's not about how much better or how much worse it can get, but rather....how bad it is...I mean..Sometimes...there's this one single point of infinite pressure...which if it were spread over a lifetime , would worry you not...but..right then..all together..is too much...It's probably the biggest flaw that a human being can be born with.. this inability to withstand tension..A stupid or crippled or evil person did draw the short straw..but it will affect them only in parts of their life...Here,this particular defect can cause you, under the right amount(lol) of stress can finish that persons life..Gone, finished, kaput, byebye.....I mean..that's too big a price to pay for one birth defect....I mean...ideally i should blame the people who are dead..but what's the point in that...and the one's to come after them will probably get even more depressed and i can't dare to write another 'Life is beautiful' post or my readers( most of them :P) will kill me....So i blame GOD...I mean..He created them that way...but then...everything that you do can be attributed to Him...If you sing well...well he gave you the talent, If you've worked hard to get a particular job..well.. he gave you that persevering nature and that capacity for hard work...But we can't ( or rather won't want to) do that..We want to claim our successes for our own and yet give God all the credit for our shortcomings...Well...I mean..You see how that's dumb right ??

You also must've noticed my obvious hints...about stereotypes ...That's another thing that i find exceedingly stupid ( yes...i seem to have quite a list don't I ? And it bothers you...well...Bite me !!) A lot of them that i specifically hate(sometimes cause i belong to them and sometimes cause i 'ought' to(!!) and sometimes...uhh..well.. just on prnciple okay !!) are girls, guys, iit guys...Guys are supposed to be all 'not sensitive' and egotist and vulgar and loud and stuff(snips and snails and puppy dog tails (yippeeeee)..Girls are supposed to be all sentimental and delicate and straitlaced and sweet..I mean..I borrow heavily from both...Does that mean i'm gay(or whatever's the accepted term..i mean hermaphrodite is too long.. (:D)) ?!! ((:P)DON'T answer that..!!! Kind of like asking someone...'Do i look like i'm stupid ?')Gults are supposed to be really studious and stuff... ( For those that aren't..i get you guys...It's really frustrating..) Where does all this come from...Once again i get that it's a natural reaction, but at least try to correct yourself by admitting it ...But i guess guys do that more often...cause they have really huge egos....

PS: Hey ! Stop calling me that....

PPS:Actually..I am gay....(SINGLE ROOM ! SINGLE ROOM !)

PPPS: OR Maybe something worse...( Does the government condone homosexuality ??)

THE ICE BREAKERS

Here is the pic of the ice that we broke