Regular followers of my blog ( Yes, I went there :P) will know that my two 'favourite topics in the whole world' are 'Love and relationships' and, 'Society is so screwed up'. Either topic can get me excited and aroused, but when they come together, well, it's like ......... a threesome. Whenever I get to talk about these issues in tandem, I feel like Archie on a date with Betty AND Veronica. It's awesome...Super mega awesome really. . .
In general, People have different ideas about the mechanisms that love is/uses, and subsequently accord different levels of importance to relationships that involve some idea of love.From the most practical, to the cynical, to the most romantic; there is a veritable army of paradigms that populate the earth. But despite this, and also because of it, People cannot help but screw up, or at least imagine that they did so, while in the pursuit of a romantic relationship. The amount of second guessing, double bluffing, and 'hard to getting' that is involved in any form of courtship is enough to drive the sanest of people crazy. And it doesn't matter one bit, whether you're thinking rationally, or just going with the flow; either way you're screwed: racked with doubt and indecision, either because of the multiplicity of possibilities, or just a sheer hormonal flood that takes over your body and mind, forcing you to live in a world of Moonshine and Stardust; or Towering cliffs, Darkness and teen popstar songs , making you bipolar and psychotic.It sucks. And society is to blame. (:D)
Courting or wooing a girl is fraught with endless lists of dos and don'ts. What to say, what not to say, when to say it and so many more . Add to this a backpack stuffed with homemade wisdom, earnestly doled out by friends and well wishers, and you can easily imagine some poor Romeo going schizophrenic, sitting in a corner mumbling to himself. The same course of action, can be interpreted ( and thus by extension interpreted as being interpreted as (basicaly second guessing)) being so many different things. Being perseverant could be seen as romantic by some and stupid as others. You could be inching closer towards a final 'Yes', or you could just be on the hook, either voluntarily orchestrated so by some wily female, or accidentally set up by a girl, who's probably as confused as you. Moreover, one never knows what course of action is the right one, even in an ideal world, because you don't know whether love is something magical, spontaneous and bilateral; or rational and developed over time, through friendship and a set of common shared experiences. So you don't know whether you should/ would want to be with someone whom you asked out 10 times till she finally agreed any more than you know for sure anything about a first glance spark that catches your attention.
Guys competing with others for a girl's affections are faced with another problem, a 'how fast ?' along with the 'What ?'. You never know, who is going to make what move and when; and you don't even know whether making a move early is better, or if you should wait for the 'right' time, whatever that may be.They also face the problem of having to make the move first, which is especially true in a country like India., not to mention the fact that being 'romantic' makes one the object of ridicule, and people have surprisingly long memories when it comes to such things
And the girl, oh poor thing that she is, has to choose between multiple suitors; and being in that spot cannot be an easy one, cause most of the times it's like choosing between watching a romantic movie, a serious drama film or a slapstick comedy caper (:P :D); and god knows we've all been there: you might be in a mood to watch something funny right now, but what about next month ? You see, returns are tough :P :( .Plus, she is faced with deciphering the same conundrums that plague the guys, having to correlate action with thought and intention, and further, thought with perceived goodness in one's paradigm of love, to make a rational decision.But worst of all, is when a girl is forced to choose, when she would rather have not had that opportunity at all. One doesn't always have to want to be in a relationship, but when your host asks you ' Tea, or coffee ?', it's hard to say no to both ( :P)
And when this all comes to a head, when someone pops the question, for some reason people more or less ignore the idea of failure being possible, never once considering the possibility that both you and the girl may want different things from life, and may even have a different idea of what love is and what a relationship should/would entail. This could be attributed to either a) arrogance or b) a paradigm of love as magical, spontaneous and necessarily bilateral, which would imply that she will like you 'cause you like her and nothing can go wrong( Sigh.... :D).Subsequently, this leads to heartbreak, denial, depression, and in some cases, suicide. The competition that boys have to face when wooing a girl lends a very poignantly terrible twist to this story. Having confessed one's feelings for a girl, most rejected suitors find it impossible to stay friends with her, embarrassed by one's lapses in reason and foolish displays of emotion during the courtship, which, though vindicated by a happy ending, are worth a lifetime supply of blushes in failure.
And most of this, happens due to lack of communication. Not knowing what's going on in someone's head lets you make all kinds of assumptions and imagine all kinds of situations( which, when it comes to me, typically involve triple bluffs, double crosses, psychological torture and sadism :P) A normal instance of asking someone out should be as simple as doing it at the outset on the basis of some preliminary attraction, and, in the cases where this primary attraction is mutual, getting to know each other, discussing what one wants from life and then taking a decision as to whether the paradigms that the man and woman subscribe to are reconcilable into a happy life. But , modern day society makes it so hard for people to share their feelings and thoughts and open out to others, that this process is circuitous and all data is encrypted in the form of hints and signs and flirting, where one can believe exactly what one chooses to believe. It not only lengthens the process for a true pair bond, but also fails miserably to eliminate unwanted suitors, thus causing more pain to everyone involved than necessary.
'What's the way out ?', one wonders.
In my opinion: Be rational and calm, but don't be afraid to take the leap. After all, badly encrypted signals can change good to bad as often as bad to good, and you may have a better chance than you think.Love, but don't be afraid to lose. Shakespeare wasn't lying when he said " It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all". Be brave,Be genuine, Be open; because if i know one thing for sure, it's this: If true love exists, like in the stories and movies, it's worth all the ridicule in the world.......
PS: There are many ways that situations can be purposely distorted by one or both parties involved in a courtship for malicious reasons. My advice: If you're sure, buy a chainsaw....Once again: worth the sacrifice :D
PPS: Male seahorses get to choose their mates, the only specie to be in this position. However, the males also incubate the eggs....
PPPS: Seahorses ? Really ??
PPPPS: 'Chasing Cars : Snow Patrol' is awesome !!
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
Coffee and comforters
She looked out the window, nursing a cup of coffee, her face almost pressed to the glass. Her hair, clothes and overall demeanor, all had the air of someone who's ,'sure as hell not stepping out of her home that day'. She sighed contentedly, and curled her legs up even tighter for warmth. The incessant rain, pounded against the trees, and the cars, and the street. Only a slight overhang, stopped it from knocking on her window. She wished she could wish the over hang away. She wanted to press her face against the glass, with the rain railing on the other side. She wanted to taunt it, tease it, stick her tongue out to it. Then she laughed, and jumped off the window sill. The marble floor was cold, and her toes curled up as her feet touched the ground.For a moment, she stood there, frozen, her legs stuck together, her arms pressed up against her body for warmth, her palms all toasty and warm from the coffee, her eyes closed, her nostrils dilated as he took in the cold frozen smell of nothing , that one usually gets when one is indoors during a particularly long rainy spell.
Laughing again, she put on her slippers, curling up her toes again in their warm softness.Her walk across the living room and down the hall, was lonely , yet strangely comforting. It was the second best thing in the world, on a rainy day like this. Alone at home,piping hot coffee and shrewsbury biscuits for company. A bed that afforded her comfy coziness, and a view of the rain outside that was just magical. A view of the street, people walking briskly , holding up umbrellas and clutching rain coats to their chin, trying to stay out of the wet and the cold. People looking busy, people looking nostalgic. Kids floating paper boats in large pot holes, and jumping around in the even larger ones. Teenaged lovers walking inthe rain, arms around each other,giggling and cooing.Dogs, sitting in alcoves barely sheltered from the rain,curled up, their fur bristling from the cold. They looked out at the rain dolefully , batting their eyelashes at it, whining at it to make it stop. And all the time, the rain poured on.. . Not malevolently. . Rather like the rush hour traffic....Mildly apologetic in one way, but routine and unavoidable in another. going about it's business, the sun having long since hidden itself behind it's grey prison towel.
She dips a biscuit in the coffee and bites of a large chunk, savouring the feeling as it's buttery goodness crumbles on her tongue, and then slides down her throat smoothly . The hint of coffee in the butter is tantalising. It's scalding hot, but she gingerly takes a tiny sip, her pink tongue still speckled with the light brown biscuit crumbs. She feels warm, and safe, her childhood comforter wrapped around her legs..... She hears a sound and looks up. . .
She smiles up at me as I enter the room, feeling the cold myself inspite of my thick coat. Many days, I would long to take it off, but not today. . Today, it feels perfect.I get up on the bed, and snuggle as close to her as possible, both to take warmth and supply it.She offers me her coffee, but I hate coffee, and all I want is to get inside that comforter with her. She puts down the coffee mug on the window sill, and pulls the comforter over our heads. For a moment, both of us are scrabbling about, trying to stay within the warmth, till both our heads pop out of the comforter, and we sigh as one,cuddling close to each other till we are comfortable. Oh....so comfortable..... She looks up at me and says..'I love you...'
I just wag my tail.
PS : Brrrrrr.....
PPS: I wish ! :D
Laughing again, she put on her slippers, curling up her toes again in their warm softness.Her walk across the living room and down the hall, was lonely , yet strangely comforting. It was the second best thing in the world, on a rainy day like this. Alone at home,piping hot coffee and shrewsbury biscuits for company. A bed that afforded her comfy coziness, and a view of the rain outside that was just magical. A view of the street, people walking briskly , holding up umbrellas and clutching rain coats to their chin, trying to stay out of the wet and the cold. People looking busy, people looking nostalgic. Kids floating paper boats in large pot holes, and jumping around in the even larger ones. Teenaged lovers walking inthe rain, arms around each other,giggling and cooing.Dogs, sitting in alcoves barely sheltered from the rain,curled up, their fur bristling from the cold. They looked out at the rain dolefully , batting their eyelashes at it, whining at it to make it stop. And all the time, the rain poured on.. . Not malevolently. . Rather like the rush hour traffic....Mildly apologetic in one way, but routine and unavoidable in another. going about it's business, the sun having long since hidden itself behind it's grey prison towel.
She dips a biscuit in the coffee and bites of a large chunk, savouring the feeling as it's buttery goodness crumbles on her tongue, and then slides down her throat smoothly . The hint of coffee in the butter is tantalising. It's scalding hot, but she gingerly takes a tiny sip, her pink tongue still speckled with the light brown biscuit crumbs. She feels warm, and safe, her childhood comforter wrapped around her legs..... She hears a sound and looks up. . .
She smiles up at me as I enter the room, feeling the cold myself inspite of my thick coat. Many days, I would long to take it off, but not today. . Today, it feels perfect.I get up on the bed, and snuggle as close to her as possible, both to take warmth and supply it.She offers me her coffee, but I hate coffee, and all I want is to get inside that comforter with her. She puts down the coffee mug on the window sill, and pulls the comforter over our heads. For a moment, both of us are scrabbling about, trying to stay within the warmth, till both our heads pop out of the comforter, and we sigh as one,cuddling close to each other till we are comfortable. Oh....so comfortable..... She looks up at me and says..'I love you...'
I just wag my tail.
PS : Brrrrrr.....
PPS: I wish ! :D
Saturday, May 14, 2011
O synechdoche ! (That's an Apostrophe. . .)
I've been watching the IPL lately. What with the summer vacations, and the joy of lying down on a chaise lounge,unwashed and sleepy, with a bag of chips, and the remotes(Set top boxes have contributed greatly to the megalomania of couch potatoes (Potatos sounds better in this context right?) ) within an arms reach, or at worst, clone enough to be pulled towards oneself, using a newspaper rolled breadth-wise.. . one is bound to end up doing exactly that. . wishing that the se7en fan club doesn't catch up to you :D. .
As i said. . I've been watching the IPL.And have been getting steadily depressed watching the performance of the team i was supporting: The Mumbai Indians. Just the other night, i remember feeling extremely sad watching the Mumbai indians getting their butt kicked by the Kings XI Punjab team..I stopped, and realised what i felt was hopelessness, a feeling as though everything was lost. Never mind that the Mumbai indians had played brilliantly in several matches, that there were several matches in hand and that they had virtually made the playoffs, or that, the fate of the Mumbai Indians had absolutely nothing to do with anything as far as I was concerned. I felt downtrodden, depressed, ashamed even. And the absurdity of the whole thing struck me, hard. . really freaking hard.
How many times has the win/loss of our favourite cricket/football team or Tennis/golf (?:P) player changed our mood for the better/worse ? How many times have we made important decisions in the backlash/euphoria of these emotions ?, and how many times have we wished we had done otherwise ? I mean, I cannot honestly say that the emotional overflow(:D) from some sporting event has not affected my mood and changed my life in a significant way. No one can. And i would be willing to bet on the fact that, yes, sporting events do affect our lives. We do gain pleasure from watching, the team we support defeat their arch rivals, and worse yet, we do get irritated and irritable when our team loses a game. The false sense of achievement and the vicarious disappointment we feel, carries on to the next human interaction we have, which influences the next and so on. We may decide not to work that day because, after all we won the game !, or on the other hand, we may be extremely crabby and snappy, disappointed by the loss. And it is quite rational, i think to9 assume that even neglecting the positive feedback that could decidedly aggravate our 'artificially created' bad mood, the fallout of even one cricket match or football game could effect important, permanent changes in our lives.
But accepting this premise, only puts us in a deeper quandary. . What then ?? This is the eternal catchphrase of the laissez faire. . . accept the status quo, for rejecting(and replacing) it is too time-consuming or difficult, or not worth the trouble. . . I have often tried to imagine (and actually tried as well, for a period of a week and a half), as an experiment to lead a meaningful, wholly productive life sans movies, sitcoms, social networking sites and euphoria inducing substances, and come to the conclusion that it is impossible. . At least, for a person conditioned in and by this society for this long, it is impossible. Of course, the possibility exists, that I , personally cannot pull this off, but then the question still remains, what does man do, the average, normal individual ? How does he live a semi meaningful,or rather pseudo meaningful life ( assuming that this plane of existence is the entirety of life, we can come up with a broad definition of meaningful that can be 'worked' :D) productive life. . Or is he/she destined to lie on the couch watching TV ?
As usual, there are several answers. Anarchy, Spartanism ( well. . you get the idea ... :D) and other ideologies swim in ones mind, wearing two piece bikinis on their flawlessly sculpted bodies, throwing water on you, chiding you, teasing you, begging you to come into the water (Couldn't resist. . Mea Culpa), and lots of people would gladly jump in, forgetting their poor wife(one piece, two kids :D) who stood by the pool. . .
Different is always worth checking out, but then divorce proceedings are always so messy and Spartanism and Anarchism both reeeealy want you :D, so yeah that's a bloody bog in it's own right. .look at your wife and i'm sure she's nice in her own right :D.. What i mean is, there's a way out, a very simple one. . come closer. . closer, i'll whisper it in your ear. . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . MODERATION. . . .
It's like eating the whole of your birthday cake. . Okay, yeah, it's yours. . but that doesn't mean you have to eat it all, not unless you want to christen the day after your birthday, Diarrhea day :D. . Just because a system is flawed doesn't give us the license to curse it for every single thing that goes wrong with our lives, which is something, that a lot of us are only too willing to do. Cricket is a drug. . Okay. . understood . . But it has a range of influence. . the time for which the TV is on. .Ok, , maybe more than that. . But. . it's gotta end soemtime. . and that's for you to decide. .
Lots of people live their lives waiting for that perfect system to get established in the world, or for that perfect algorithm that tells you how to live your life. . And that's just Bullshit. . it's our life, and it's doesn't have an algorithm. . We have to change things for ourselves, by ourselves. . every minute of every day. . .
Get on with it. .
PS: Mumbai Indians !! \m/ , Despite today's brilliant game plan which involved Pollard and Bhajji hitting 26 off the last over, just cause Mishra did 23 ( Mommmeee :D)
PPS: People never really think through the algorithm premise. . 9 times out of 10 it points to no free will and determinism. . .
PPPS: THe marriage/hot chicks in the swimming pool analogy didn't work out, going deeper revealed too many complexities.. like your current marriage is a childhood betrothal, that's the same for everybody else too :P
PPPPS: Of course, a rough analogy, disregarding the absurd aspects (:P) would say that man is never satisfied with the status quo, and is always looking out for something better. . .which is true for a certain class of individuals. . Rational Rebels. . But then, what would be the link that joins this particular class of individuals with the marriage/society analogy ??
PPPPPS: enough for now. . If you get any leads, please do call/message/mail
PPPPPPS: Yawn. . .G'night. . .
Sunday, March 27, 2011
What's wrong with me :D
I recently set up a webpage on whatiswrongwith.me(www.whatiswrongwith.me/Sumedh), which allows to people to send anonymous feedback about you. Now i received quite a bit of feedback, some good , some bad, some random(:D). Of the two, room for improvement comments that I received, I had already known about those aspects of me and had analysed whether my behaviour was good or bad.One of them was about me talking a lot about things that maybe people around me weren't the least bit interested in.The other was about me not being able to understand my friends needs and being a little selfish.
Now, the first statement, I have heard a million times before. I agree that it can be frustrating when I get into one of my rants and then wax eloquent bout topics that are stupid, inane, random and worst of all uninteresting to others. (main kya lund insaan hoon)In fact, I have been actively trying to be less of a chatterbox, but the fact is, that most of the times, I can't help it ! I get into the groove sometimes, and then there's no stopping me (by me, of course !! Others can of course stop me. kinda like when kids bite their fingernails or suck their thumbs :D)What i suggest my frustrated friends do is say to me, in a firm quiet voice : "Sumedh, you're doing it again. . . ". Kinda like the really nice but strict fathers do in Chicken soup, or Enid Blyton books.. . Of course, don't do it all the time. I mean, i gotta have my fun too, right. . :D Actually even if people do tell me to shut up all the time, i don't think i'd actually do it. I mean, yeah i'd probably get all blushy and guilty and all, but hey, you know what they say ' The ego wants what the ego wants' :D
The second statement got me thinking.I mean, I know I am extremely self involved, but that's just because things are so complicated inside my head,it's hard to stop thinking about....... well. . everything. . Also, recognising people's needs isn't as easy or as clear cut as it's made out to be: Understanding situations, sympathising with the person in case and offering suggestions is sometihng thati can do, in my opinion, quite well, but when it comes to gauging what is wrong by a person's behaviour. . well, I suck. This is primarily because, whenever I try to extrapolate actions/body language to feelings and dilemnas i have a habit of considering every possbile scenario my mind can lay it's hands on, and analysing their possibility. And in an ostenibly stochastic world such as ours, it's not hard to assign almost equal probabilities to all the options. And I, just can't resist. I am off on my way, wild horses pulling me to every every corner of the earth.Also, several times, when I have tried to extrapolate and help, I have broached topics that my friend wouldn't want to talk about.This is essentially another parameter to be analysed, while considering probabilities: whether the other person wants to talk about it, but it is different in the sense, that whether you get the answer is one half of a binary choice:Choosing to talk, or not.To be on the safe side, I don't, and like is possbile in every possbile situation, I get made out to be the bad guy :D !! I mean, how the hell is one really supposed to know what to do and what not to do ?
The way out, as I see it, as I have always seen it, from the time that I first analysed this part of me, is "Tell Me !!!", the only difference being that I didn't really make it so clear, as it felt kind of stupid then(It still does, but I think more good will come out of this than bad) This would also solve the first problem, of me blabbering about stuff that people don't want to listen to me blabbering about.
I reiterate: If you want to talk about something, any goddamn thing under the sun, please tell me. 'Cause if there's one thing, I'm a sucker for, it's being a good samaritan (:D). . i mean seriously, this may sound extremely pious( or Pi, like they say in St Clares !!), but in fact in a morality paradigm that classifies naivete as stupid and 'unethical', I would be the worst kind of sex offender, or murderer :D.
I re-reiterate. This is not a joke. I am not messing with you to get sometihng to laugh about later in my room. I care. I'm just too unsure of what to do. . .
P.S.:Oh god, that was probably the emo-est of them all......
P.P.S.: But worth it, i hope !
P.P.P.S.: The main lund hoon was courtesy achin, the guy who put one of the comments(The less insulting one :D) on my page. . I decided to leave it in. . Seems to fit with the decor :D
P.P.P.P.S. : Once again, classic example of megalomania. . I have to be right, even about me being wrong. . . :D
P.P.P.P.P.S. : I'd make a very interesting psychiatric case ( Re: Hot psychology students :D :P)
Now, the first statement, I have heard a million times before. I agree that it can be frustrating when I get into one of my rants and then wax eloquent bout topics that are stupid, inane, random and worst of all uninteresting to others. (main kya lund insaan hoon)In fact, I have been actively trying to be less of a chatterbox, but the fact is, that most of the times, I can't help it ! I get into the groove sometimes, and then there's no stopping me (by me, of course !! Others can of course stop me. kinda like when kids bite their fingernails or suck their thumbs :D)What i suggest my frustrated friends do is say to me, in a firm quiet voice : "Sumedh, you're doing it again. . . ". Kinda like the really nice but strict fathers do in Chicken soup, or Enid Blyton books.. . Of course, don't do it all the time. I mean, i gotta have my fun too, right. . :D Actually even if people do tell me to shut up all the time, i don't think i'd actually do it. I mean, yeah i'd probably get all blushy and guilty and all, but hey, you know what they say ' The ego wants what the ego wants' :D
The second statement got me thinking.I mean, I know I am extremely self involved, but that's just because things are so complicated inside my head,it's hard to stop thinking about....... well. . everything. . Also, recognising people's needs isn't as easy or as clear cut as it's made out to be: Understanding situations, sympathising with the person in case and offering suggestions is sometihng thati can do, in my opinion, quite well, but when it comes to gauging what is wrong by a person's behaviour. . well, I suck. This is primarily because, whenever I try to extrapolate actions/body language to feelings and dilemnas i have a habit of considering every possbile scenario my mind can lay it's hands on, and analysing their possibility. And in an ostenibly stochastic world such as ours, it's not hard to assign almost equal probabilities to all the options. And I, just can't resist. I am off on my way, wild horses pulling me to every every corner of the earth.Also, several times, when I have tried to extrapolate and help, I have broached topics that my friend wouldn't want to talk about.This is essentially another parameter to be analysed, while considering probabilities: whether the other person wants to talk about it, but it is different in the sense, that whether you get the answer is one half of a binary choice:Choosing to talk, or not.To be on the safe side, I don't, and like is possbile in every possbile situation, I get made out to be the bad guy :D !! I mean, how the hell is one really supposed to know what to do and what not to do ?
The way out, as I see it, as I have always seen it, from the time that I first analysed this part of me, is "Tell Me !!!", the only difference being that I didn't really make it so clear, as it felt kind of stupid then(It still does, but I think more good will come out of this than bad) This would also solve the first problem, of me blabbering about stuff that people don't want to listen to me blabbering about.
I reiterate: If you want to talk about something, any goddamn thing under the sun, please tell me. 'Cause if there's one thing, I'm a sucker for, it's being a good samaritan (:D). . i mean seriously, this may sound extremely pious( or Pi, like they say in St Clares !!), but in fact in a morality paradigm that classifies naivete as stupid and 'unethical', I would be the worst kind of sex offender, or murderer :D.
I re-reiterate. This is not a joke. I am not messing with you to get sometihng to laugh about later in my room. I care. I'm just too unsure of what to do. . .
P.S.:Oh god, that was probably the emo-est of them all......
P.P.S.: But worth it, i hope !
P.P.P.S.: The main lund hoon was courtesy achin, the guy who put one of the comments(The less insulting one :D) on my page. . I decided to leave it in. . Seems to fit with the decor :D
P.P.P.P.S. : Once again, classic example of megalomania. . I have to be right, even about me being wrong. . . :D
P.P.P.P.P.S. : I'd make a very interesting psychiatric case ( Re: Hot psychology students :D :P)
Sunday, March 13, 2011
The secret (Rhonda Byrne's was a typo :D)
Yesterday, I decoded the secret of life. I didn't realise it then. . That is, of course something to be expected. Knowing is one thing. Knowing that you know, is a totally different ball game. The first rests on your experience and reasoning capabilities, among other tihngs. The second rests on introspection, self confidence and an obsession that forces you to look at things again and again and again..(well, you get the picture..). Sometimes, knowing is enough. However, to know yourself, you must know that you know, what you know and how you know it. You must'nt just be aware of things, you must also be aware of that awareness. Admitted, that taken to the nth level and then (as is inevitable) iterated further to infinity, it gets confusing. Really confusing. But a level 2 awareness is, if you go about it the right way, the definitive step of the series, one that affords you knowledge of the further levels(Of course, to know you know, you have to actually reason out each level separately, which is a simple iterative process, but infinitely so, which makes it impossible (Think about it, and you'll realise this is true)) By the right way, I mean that your mind has to be aware that the transition from level one to level two is actually just a specific rendering of a generic interative step ( i=i++). If done properly, you feel all the levels rush by you and you are aware of them, or at least you are aware of your potentiality for awareness. However, as i said before, to go one level further in your analysis of the levels of understanding, you must go to each level and understand it's implications as a stand alone concept.A very simple example is the famous plot device used to the death in cinema. He knows that she knows that He knows . . .ad nauseam, a good example of which can be seen in Jeffrey archer's 'shoeshine boy', from His collection of short stories entitled 'Twelve red herrings'
Anyway, if i'm done digressing , I think I should move on to the real subject that I was talking about. The secret of life. In life, most of our decisions are based on analyses of situations, based on what would happen if things were to go wrong, of which there is always a good (and to our paranoid minds, overwhelmingly large) probabililty. Now, our confusion mostly stems from the fact, that all the uncertainty has it's source in the caprices of human nature, of people who are deciding on the basis of what they think your decision might be. A very convoluted game, with an infinity of sub games. . Of course, some people may not make decisions after such a detailed analysis of the situation, but not knowing, who is, and who isn't ,making their decisions in a specific way brings us back to square one. Even the most rational and moral individual (The definitions of which I leave to my readers imagination: You know what I'm talking about, even if you can't express it any better than this :P) lives his life subject to the decisions of others, not knowing if the decisions he makes will eventually lead to him being happy.
And Voila ! , I am about to throw open the curtains. . to reveal something, so obvious in its simplicity, yet so cleverly hidden by the inoccuousness of it's paradigm, by how insignicant it seems at the first glance : Blues . . .
The blues, have a very funny way of taking sadness and turning it on it's head, channeling it into something happy and constructive and beautiful. I find it nothing short of magical that when I play the blues, i fuel my music with the saddest and most depressing thoughts that my mind can muster, but inevitably, there is a smile on my face, a crazy, demented smile that is...is just great. . My guitar cries, but my mind laughs, my fingers are tensed with the sadness of a thousand deaths, terminal illnesses and an aching that threatens to suffocate, but my body is joyful, uplifted and quivering with a pleasure that is heavenly and transcendental. . .In moments, I find myself happy again. . So happy, it hurts. . like Magic.
Try it out sometime. Next time you feel sad, listen to BB king, or Muddy waters or The Allman Brothers band, and feel the magic taking you over, washing off the blues,vibrating, bending and sliding it into something crazy joyful. And the next time you worry about things going wrong, remember it'll just make the blues better. . . .
PS: Check out the compilation called chess blues, it's so awesome, they decided to invent a new word for it, but realised that it wasn't possible. .
PPS: Yes, that was a horrible simile, but the problem defies the very basis of a simile, that there must exist sometihng comparable and similar to it.
PPPS: Oh Gawd ! that saxophone.
PPPPS: Was listening to a song called The commisioner , by Arbee Stidham.. . as i wrote this. . .
Anyway, if i'm done digressing , I think I should move on to the real subject that I was talking about. The secret of life. In life, most of our decisions are based on analyses of situations, based on what would happen if things were to go wrong, of which there is always a good (and to our paranoid minds, overwhelmingly large) probabililty. Now, our confusion mostly stems from the fact, that all the uncertainty has it's source in the caprices of human nature, of people who are deciding on the basis of what they think your decision might be. A very convoluted game, with an infinity of sub games. . Of course, some people may not make decisions after such a detailed analysis of the situation, but not knowing, who is, and who isn't ,making their decisions in a specific way brings us back to square one. Even the most rational and moral individual (The definitions of which I leave to my readers imagination: You know what I'm talking about, even if you can't express it any better than this :P) lives his life subject to the decisions of others, not knowing if the decisions he makes will eventually lead to him being happy.
And Voila ! , I am about to throw open the curtains. . to reveal something, so obvious in its simplicity, yet so cleverly hidden by the inoccuousness of it's paradigm, by how insignicant it seems at the first glance : Blues . . .
The blues, have a very funny way of taking sadness and turning it on it's head, channeling it into something happy and constructive and beautiful. I find it nothing short of magical that when I play the blues, i fuel my music with the saddest and most depressing thoughts that my mind can muster, but inevitably, there is a smile on my face, a crazy, demented smile that is...is just great. . My guitar cries, but my mind laughs, my fingers are tensed with the sadness of a thousand deaths, terminal illnesses and an aching that threatens to suffocate, but my body is joyful, uplifted and quivering with a pleasure that is heavenly and transcendental. . .In moments, I find myself happy again. . So happy, it hurts. . like Magic.
Try it out sometime. Next time you feel sad, listen to BB king, or Muddy waters or The Allman Brothers band, and feel the magic taking you over, washing off the blues,vibrating, bending and sliding it into something crazy joyful. And the next time you worry about things going wrong, remember it'll just make the blues better. . . .
PS: Check out the compilation called chess blues, it's so awesome, they decided to invent a new word for it, but realised that it wasn't possible. .
PPS: Yes, that was a horrible simile, but the problem defies the very basis of a simile, that there must exist sometihng comparable and similar to it.
PPPS: Oh Gawd ! that saxophone.
PPPPS: Was listening to a song called The commisioner , by Arbee Stidham.. . as i wrote this. . .
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Sigh.....
Was just looking through my itunes library when my eyes fell on the song 'Photograph' by nickelback. That's it. I just saw the name. Didn't even have to hear it. . .And off i was. . . Rose colored spectacles, Summer days, a pop rock band playing on the side of a hill, me squinting at the sun as the camera zooms out, panning to my right as it does so, finally stopping as you see a boy standing on the top of a mountain holding his parent's hands as he joyfully swings his legs off the ground. Children comparing lunch boxes at school, family vacations in goa, soft furry dogs, teenage love, ratlami sev (HEY ! stop laughing !!), two boys on a building terrace in the middle of the desert looking at the night sky, nights spent playing cards, transcendental moments in the middle of a crappy park of a crappy town (Crappy in a very 'modern', fixed paradigm sense), ice candy (golas really...damn i'm pretentious, aren't I ?(:D)) for 2 rupees, more dogs, more love, more ratlami sev and.......Sigh.....
It's excrutiating. . . Painful. . Beautiful. . .warm and fuzzy with the smell of fabric softener(I'm assuming that's what that is :D). . . Just...Just lovely. . . Nostalgia.. .
Well, sometimes you feel like you're 80 when you're really just 20.. .The years behind you stretch endlessly like a dream, an infinity that ends too soon, so much so that you wonder, whether you really did all that. . Whether you really were the snotty kid, who cried on the first day of school, hid under a desk so you wouldn't be chosen for the school play, who sat, moonstruck listening to MLTR and Westlife, who's mother hung a poster saying ' No bugs allowed' in your room, the day after you had that bad dream . . .
I wonder. . .All those years, all feel like a dream. The 5 years at home, 10 in school, 2 in kota and even the first 2 years of college, seem unreal, fake, fictional. . It's like lookng back at your life and seeing the pages of a comic book you don't remember reading, but that evokes in you a strong feeling of Deja Vu.. .
At this point, I can hear you screaming: Get the F*#% on with it ( but at the same time i'm sure you're misty eyed with a small smile on your face, feeling as old as hell. . )But yes. . I will get the f*#% on with it. .
We spend our lives moving forward, knowing, if not fully understanding that while we go ahead we leave behind a lot of things, a lot of us.. things that we will look at again when we're 40,60 or 80, vowing to live life to the fullest, to treasure the moment, for it will be gone soon. Be it happy or sad, frustrating or fulfilling, it is and will be Us. It will have a chapter, or a paragraph, or atleast a line in the book of your life. And like it is with books, we read past the chapters to reach the climax, the finale , the end, not realising that it is slipping away, in a sense forever. . .Knowing something means not 'not knowing it'. We live life like that. . Skipping chapters to reach something that we feel, will be the culmination and the justification for all we have done. . .
I will now proceed to preach to you :
Live life, you dumbfucks ! Next time you're bathing, sing louder, close your eyes and imagine yourself to be dancing in the rain. Next time you meet your parents, or your grand parents, hold their hand a bit tighter. . there will be a day when it will no longer be possible. Laugh at your friends jokes, you will lose contact with them and, years later, smile at some old remembered statment and wish you had played more, lived more. When you next look at the setting sun, and are amazed by it's beauty, stare at it for those 5 extra seconds, soon it will be naught more than a photograph.When you next find yourself, standng on a hill, the bulding terrace or even the road, and you feel the wind blowing something marvelous, close your eyes and stand there with your arms outstretched. . Yeah , your friends will say you're gay, but when you're all bedridden invalids you can laugh at them and have your fun ( But you won't want to . . )
Read this whe nyou feel sad, even the teensiest bit. .
'http://likemylife.homestead.com/inspirationalquoteslivinglifetothefullest.html'
(Or alternatively, read this post :D :D. . I mean you'll come here to get the link anyway :D)
Listen to these songs
Cranberries : Imagine, ode to my family, Dreams
Westlife: seasons in the sun
Baz luhman: Sunscreen
Nickelback : Photograph
Vitamin C : Graduation
Laree chootee, lamha ye jayega kahan
Greenday: Rotting ,time of your life
3 doors down: Be like that
and then tell me more like these.....
PS: I'm sorry for going all wussy on you. . . hey wait ! i'm not . . screw you !
PPS: *Sniff*(Really...)
PPPS: Oh, and nothing says it better than 'Aanewala pal, jaanewala hai . . '
It's excrutiating. . . Painful. . Beautiful. . .warm and fuzzy with the smell of fabric softener(I'm assuming that's what that is :D). . . Just...Just lovely. . . Nostalgia.. .
Well, sometimes you feel like you're 80 when you're really just 20.. .The years behind you stretch endlessly like a dream, an infinity that ends too soon, so much so that you wonder, whether you really did all that. . Whether you really were the snotty kid, who cried on the first day of school, hid under a desk so you wouldn't be chosen for the school play, who sat, moonstruck listening to MLTR and Westlife, who's mother hung a poster saying ' No bugs allowed' in your room, the day after you had that bad dream . . .
I wonder. . .All those years, all feel like a dream. The 5 years at home, 10 in school, 2 in kota and even the first 2 years of college, seem unreal, fake, fictional. . It's like lookng back at your life and seeing the pages of a comic book you don't remember reading, but that evokes in you a strong feeling of Deja Vu.. .
At this point, I can hear you screaming: Get the F*#% on with it ( but at the same time i'm sure you're misty eyed with a small smile on your face, feeling as old as hell. . )But yes. . I will get the f*#% on with it. .
We spend our lives moving forward, knowing, if not fully understanding that while we go ahead we leave behind a lot of things, a lot of us.. things that we will look at again when we're 40,60 or 80, vowing to live life to the fullest, to treasure the moment, for it will be gone soon. Be it happy or sad, frustrating or fulfilling, it is and will be Us. It will have a chapter, or a paragraph, or atleast a line in the book of your life. And like it is with books, we read past the chapters to reach the climax, the finale , the end, not realising that it is slipping away, in a sense forever. . .Knowing something means not 'not knowing it'. We live life like that. . Skipping chapters to reach something that we feel, will be the culmination and the justification for all we have done. . .
I will now proceed to preach to you :
Live life, you dumbfucks ! Next time you're bathing, sing louder, close your eyes and imagine yourself to be dancing in the rain. Next time you meet your parents, or your grand parents, hold their hand a bit tighter. . there will be a day when it will no longer be possible. Laugh at your friends jokes, you will lose contact with them and, years later, smile at some old remembered statment and wish you had played more, lived more. When you next look at the setting sun, and are amazed by it's beauty, stare at it for those 5 extra seconds, soon it will be naught more than a photograph.When you next find yourself, standng on a hill, the bulding terrace or even the road, and you feel the wind blowing something marvelous, close your eyes and stand there with your arms outstretched. . Yeah , your friends will say you're gay, but when you're all bedridden invalids you can laugh at them and have your fun ( But you won't want to . . )
Read this whe nyou feel sad, even the teensiest bit. .
'http://likemylife.homestead.com/inspirationalquoteslivinglifetothefullest.html'
(Or alternatively, read this post :D :D. . I mean you'll come here to get the link anyway :D)
Listen to these songs
Cranberries : Imagine, ode to my family, Dreams
Westlife: seasons in the sun
Baz luhman: Sunscreen
Nickelback : Photograph
Vitamin C : Graduation
Laree chootee, lamha ye jayega kahan
Greenday: Rotting ,time of your life
3 doors down: Be like that
and then tell me more like these.....
PS: I'm sorry for going all wussy on you. . . hey wait ! i'm not . . screw you !
PPS: *Sniff*(Really...)
PPPS: Oh, and nothing says it better than 'Aanewala pal, jaanewala hai . . '
Monday, January 10, 2011
The company of myself
It just struck me, that ' People who know me in passing' probably think i'm weird. Just a half hour ago, I was walking back, just having enjoyed a Roast chicken Sub sandwich and a doughnut with cappuchino flavoured whipped cream ( Or as I would say : heaven on a plate), when I caught people giving me strange looks. One or two of those incidents may be explained away by the fact that two dogs, one huge and black, the other tiny and white, were frolicking about me, trying their utmost to rip my hand off; but I found that I was on the receiving end of the glances, even when I wasn't being followed by my personal guard.
Just the other day, I found myself, sitting alone in our large Open Air theatre, waiting for an event to start, just staring into space, and thinking about ...uhmm.well ..let's skip that, or i'll attract even more stares.Well, basically I was sitting around, when a friend called out to me, looking bemused and thoroughly amused, and asked me, what the hell I was doing. Now I agree, that with my close cropped hair, large headphones, and intentionally(or so people say) funny walk, it is likely that I paint a funny picture, but several examples have convinced me, that the common factor, is that i'm alone. That too, in very peculiar circumstances: Returning from a solitary dinner, on a friday night; in a place filled with people, all of whom I've known for a long time; between lectures in the middle of a lawn, full of people; always in situations where I would be hard pressed not to find someone to talk to.
Now, I have plenty of friends. Lord knows, I have more than i can handle. I'd probably be much better off with fewer friends, whom I was closer to, but Lord knows, that ain't possible, what with machiavelli, a general lack of genuinity and my big mouth.And that's precisely why I feel the need to be alone, with myself. To catharsize(not sure that's a word), to think, to talk freely and rearrange my thoughts. In fact, when people stare at me, I stare right back, breaking into a wide grin, once i've passed them by ( Imagine, that , the next time you see me; i guarantee it'll make you laugh :D)making up funny back stories and imaginary rendezvous for them, imagining twisted love polygons and backstabbing roommates and psychotic friends.( That too, is fun !) But apart from that, when I haven't been distracted into escapist imaginative hedonia (Yeah, It asked for that..(escapist imaginative hedonia :P)), I'm thinking...About weird stuff, i'll give you that: Of if's and but's,could's and should's, forks in time, and me.Didn't they tell you ?, Narcissus got reincarnated. ( nated...nated...nated...(Who's that ?!))
Now as you can imagine, going over one's decisions and quasi decisions is mindnumbing and disorienting. Questioning one's choices, repeatedly, torn between a Jekyll and a Hyde, kinda like the angel and devil that are shown to hover above one's left and right shoulder in several cartoons, only, none of them's really a devil or an angel in their totality.Too right. . .Mentally, it's like getting ripped to shreds by a billion different horses ( as analogous to paradigms), though only a few of the billion are really truly apparent to any one individual,( in a horrible parallel of vector summation, it is easier to comprehend 8, or 10 'equivalent horses'(:D) that are made up of the vector sums of several other horses, face it, you're ripped to shreds either way, there's no use splitting hairs..or in this case..'equivalent horses' :D) but it's fun, and satisfying. It gives you a more complete picture, even if you are denied closure most of the times.It puts a lot of things in perspective.And imagining twisted plot developments in one's starers lives is wayy more interesting than what's actually going on in their lives ( not yours..wild horses, remember !)
Basically, my point is: Solitude is essential. . To know yourself. To understand better, your decisions and those of others. And it's fun. After all, if people spend time with you, why can't you spend time with yourself ? It's second best to, if not as good as, a genuine relationship.And you don't have to share your doughnut. .. .
PS: Yeah, i'm weird...
PPS: I talk to dogs sometimes...
PPPS: Okay! i do it all the time ...
Just the other day, I found myself, sitting alone in our large Open Air theatre, waiting for an event to start, just staring into space, and thinking about ...uhmm.well ..let's skip that, or i'll attract even more stares.Well, basically I was sitting around, when a friend called out to me, looking bemused and thoroughly amused, and asked me, what the hell I was doing. Now I agree, that with my close cropped hair, large headphones, and intentionally(or so people say) funny walk, it is likely that I paint a funny picture, but several examples have convinced me, that the common factor, is that i'm alone. That too, in very peculiar circumstances: Returning from a solitary dinner, on a friday night; in a place filled with people, all of whom I've known for a long time; between lectures in the middle of a lawn, full of people; always in situations where I would be hard pressed not to find someone to talk to.
Now, I have plenty of friends. Lord knows, I have more than i can handle. I'd probably be much better off with fewer friends, whom I was closer to, but Lord knows, that ain't possible, what with machiavelli, a general lack of genuinity and my big mouth.And that's precisely why I feel the need to be alone, with myself. To catharsize(not sure that's a word), to think, to talk freely and rearrange my thoughts. In fact, when people stare at me, I stare right back, breaking into a wide grin, once i've passed them by ( Imagine, that , the next time you see me; i guarantee it'll make you laugh :D)making up funny back stories and imaginary rendezvous for them, imagining twisted love polygons and backstabbing roommates and psychotic friends.( That too, is fun !) But apart from that, when I haven't been distracted into escapist imaginative hedonia (Yeah, It asked for that..(escapist imaginative hedonia :P)), I'm thinking...About weird stuff, i'll give you that: Of if's and but's,could's and should's, forks in time, and me.Didn't they tell you ?, Narcissus got reincarnated. ( nated...nated...nated...(Who's that ?!))
Now as you can imagine, going over one's decisions and quasi decisions is mindnumbing and disorienting. Questioning one's choices, repeatedly, torn between a Jekyll and a Hyde, kinda like the angel and devil that are shown to hover above one's left and right shoulder in several cartoons, only, none of them's really a devil or an angel in their totality.Too right. . .Mentally, it's like getting ripped to shreds by a billion different horses ( as analogous to paradigms), though only a few of the billion are really truly apparent to any one individual,( in a horrible parallel of vector summation, it is easier to comprehend 8, or 10 'equivalent horses'(:D) that are made up of the vector sums of several other horses, face it, you're ripped to shreds either way, there's no use splitting hairs..or in this case..'equivalent horses' :D) but it's fun, and satisfying. It gives you a more complete picture, even if you are denied closure most of the times.It puts a lot of things in perspective.And imagining twisted plot developments in one's starers lives is wayy more interesting than what's actually going on in their lives ( not yours..wild horses, remember !)
Basically, my point is: Solitude is essential. . To know yourself. To understand better, your decisions and those of others. And it's fun. After all, if people spend time with you, why can't you spend time with yourself ? It's second best to, if not as good as, a genuine relationship.And you don't have to share your doughnut. .. .
PS: Yeah, i'm weird...
PPS: I talk to dogs sometimes...
PPPS: Okay! i do it all the time ...
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Machiavelli does a backflip (in his grave)
Caution:....This is not a drill....Keep reading only if you wish to be handed key weapons to which my psyche is vulnerable, that could lead to the destruction of my self confidence and self esteem. Who am I kidding, isn't that something everything wants..Not me specifically, no not even I am as presumptuous and arrogant as that, but the weaknesses, fears and neuroses of people in general.To subtly influence them, manipulate them, control them.I realise that i have been to smart alecky in my posts in general and that I need to render myself vulnerable and entirely defenseless. But wait... Why would I do that ? Is that even possible ? After all i control the content of this post. I will decide what to write here and what to omit. It's like The Hulk punching himself in the face.Only he can do it, but why would he ? To see how it feels ? To get stronger? ( Derived from the 2 ancient adages: 'What doesn't kill you will make you stronger'...and 'Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me' : After all, it's not like I'm Achilles revealing my weak spot, it's more mental)For shock value ? For respect and admiration, imagined and expected, over notions of the 'bravery' of the act ? To have people confide their own insecurities in me ?
To the questions above :
Try suicide then, just once , to see how it feels.Adage 2 is false.Suicide again: Grow a pair, Get a life . Yeah right, what are you a 16 year old just out of a movie theatre ?Why?Why in the name of God would anyone want that ?
Because, of all the reasons. Because, in my morality paradigm, largely a creation of movies,Chicken soup for the soul, and Cecelia Ahern books, these things are good and desirable. Because I want to play out the first Jason Bourne book on an emotional plane to see if(sorry..how :D) I survive.Because I'm bored and I trust in the goodness of men( generic...no gender intended :D)
By now, you are either a) salivating, with a hungry rapacious look in your eye(if you're a descendant of Machiavelli ), b)looking misty eyed with a small smile on your face, your brow slightly furrowed, a blessed look on your face(if you're gay: or emo, like me...:D), c) looking disgusted and surprised at my naivete and stupidity ( if you're a friend of mine, that's not gay or emo) or some combination of the 3.( 'Yeah !'(rapacious), 'Ohh..sighh...'(gay), 'WTF !See a shrink'(friend)). And yeah, i expect that. I know what people are likely to say, think and do after reading this, and i'm ready for it.Ready to take what the world has to give me. Cruel world, that has influenced, manipulated and guided people for centuries, without their knowing. A world where we all keep our cards stuck to our chest, afraid to look ourselves, for fear that someone else might catch a glance. Where advantages are pressed unto death. Where one cannot breathe, or walk or jump or sing, without being vulnerable to attack. Where we wear so many masks and don so many roles, we ourselves know not who we really are.....
Yes I am ready...To play an open hand, relying on my sheer strength and fortitude to beat back the merciless hordes that approach, a handful of brave soldiers by my side.
Excellent...We are prepared for every contingency. Not one to be caught napping.Nope.Not us.We're ready
PS: It was a drill...
PPS: As it always is....
PPPS: Notice how I actually did reveal my motivation in the first paragraph before chickening out.
PPPPS: But does, that count, considering the fact that I pointed it out. I may be just playing with you from the outset, kinda like an intellectual cocktease(Pardon my language !) where an erection is used as an analogue to mental stimulation, an intellectual breakthrough !!
PPPPPS: I might actually do it, but i'm sure people get bored.
PPPPPPS: That rapacious look is back guys. . . Cut it out,. I was kidding...
To the questions above :
Try suicide then, just once , to see how it feels.Adage 2 is false.Suicide again: Grow a pair, Get a life . Yeah right, what are you a 16 year old just out of a movie theatre ?Why?Why in the name of God would anyone want that ?
Because, of all the reasons. Because, in my morality paradigm, largely a creation of movies,Chicken soup for the soul, and Cecelia Ahern books, these things are good and desirable. Because I want to play out the first Jason Bourne book on an emotional plane to see if(sorry..how :D) I survive.Because I'm bored and I trust in the goodness of men( generic...no gender intended :D)
By now, you are either a) salivating, with a hungry rapacious look in your eye(if you're a descendant of Machiavelli ), b)looking misty eyed with a small smile on your face, your brow slightly furrowed, a blessed look on your face(if you're gay: or emo, like me...:D), c) looking disgusted and surprised at my naivete and stupidity ( if you're a friend of mine, that's not gay or emo) or some combination of the 3.( 'Yeah !'(rapacious), 'Ohh..sighh...'(gay), 'WTF !See a shrink'(friend)). And yeah, i expect that. I know what people are likely to say, think and do after reading this, and i'm ready for it.Ready to take what the world has to give me. Cruel world, that has influenced, manipulated and guided people for centuries, without their knowing. A world where we all keep our cards stuck to our chest, afraid to look ourselves, for fear that someone else might catch a glance. Where advantages are pressed unto death. Where one cannot breathe, or walk or jump or sing, without being vulnerable to attack. Where we wear so many masks and don so many roles, we ourselves know not who we really are.....
Yes I am ready...To play an open hand, relying on my sheer strength and fortitude to beat back the merciless hordes that approach, a handful of brave soldiers by my side.
Excellent...We are prepared for every contingency. Not one to be caught napping.Nope.Not us.We're ready
PS: It was a drill...
PPS: As it always is....
PPPS: Notice how I actually did reveal my motivation in the first paragraph before chickening out.
PPPPS: But does, that count, considering the fact that I pointed it out. I may be just playing with you from the outset, kinda like an intellectual cocktease(Pardon my language !) where an erection is used as an analogue to mental stimulation, an intellectual breakthrough !!
PPPPPS: I might actually do it, but i'm sure people get bored.
PPPPPPS: That rapacious look is back guys. . . Cut it out,. I was kidding...
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