US: EVERYONE'S SCARED OF THIS POST !!

I couldn’t resist it…(The title, I mean….)Having written something about the unknown(delightfully devilish, I would have myself believe…but nevertheless, rubbish that exists…(Point is…I wrote )) entitled ‘Them’, which schizophrenic demented megalomaniac could resist writing something (powerfully moving or sarcastically cutting(oh…I dunno I’ve just started haven’t I ), but once again …. Something…) anything… and giving it the title ‘Us’? Who, I ask you? Who?

For all of you still thinking (and I hope that my readership, comprising the foremost brains of my generation (this time I really died laughing) will not fall in this category !)just one word folks: Rhetoric….(OK I’m done pissing off what might be my only reader !)Not me, for sure…..

Us …We….A generation of suck ups, manipulators and two faced hypocrites... (Yes…I can hear you saying …. “Really! You too!!Oh my God!! And to think I went to all that trouble…!!”)That’s us….All that we do focuses on the ego…everything…we look at ways to bolster it and think so far ahead it would baffle Kasparov…Telling slightly varied stories to different people to generate the approval and respect (which is in turn fake …) that makes our day…That one extra fan on orkut….that makes u scream out loud and decide to have that extra cookie…as a celebration…Pathetic…all of us….( only it’s ‘packs of cookies’ in my case !)

Just today…I was chatting with a friend and the topic came round to why I wasn’t on facebook…I replied…I hate social networking sites in general…I just joined orkut to keep in touch with friends who were leaving from kota….I received the ‘hmmm really’ reply…Then I replied….trying to (and maybe succeeding) be funny that, no,…I luurrrrve orkut…I’d be a zombie without friends….if it were not for orkut…sitting in a corner whimpering and drooling, my legs drawn to my chest…. I cut myself every time I lose a fan or a friend…..and worst of all I actually add people that send requests such as ‘Wanna meet a fraandly cute Punjabi boy’……That took care of the conversation….but I wasn’t satisfied….you know people this isn’t what other people want to hear…What they want ( and what’s true) is ‘Ohh… whenever orkut shows me ‘page loading…’…there’s this anticipation …this…glow in my chest…just waiting to see if that brown haired girl scrapped me or maybe to see if that senior in my wing commented on that photo, you know, the one in which I’m surrounded by vodka bottles….The truth is that…every time I see a photo comment the glow stays with me for a day….a much awaited scrap…gets stomach’s sucked in and heads held just a teeny weeny bit higher….’

Yep …that’s us…our friends lists on social networking sites…are full of people we despise and ridicule…And we never send people friend requests …we wait for them to come…making it, in the end…just a bloody stare down contest….Friends…It should be ‘People we barely know through 2 common links…or maybe 3 if he/she is really cool’ Approval and liking is something all of us crave…and we secretly hate those that prance around, telling merry stories, spewing out stolen puns and jokes…Our status messages…oh…. if dogs had an attention span of half the time that we use in thinking up status messages…they’d probably have learnt our language by now….All the clichéd stuff we do believing that we will be perceived as being cool….it makes me laugh….

And this is just the cyber world….In the real world…we do things that are equally suited for a satire…That’s why satires have gone out of fashion…it’s just like our everyday life…so boring….The passing on of stories…and representing them as one’s own…the long words and impressive phrases that are bandied about…..the names of books that we once saw on the editorial page of some newspaper….all these float around the air, are heard and then repeated countless number of times..….i’m sure if we wrote the autobiography of the book ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ since the time it appeared (along with a review (and this is important !!)) in TOI we would find that it had travelled all around the world and gone in so many twisted overlapping loops that it would be impossible to find an equation or even several, plotting it’s course….Just murmurs and whispers can make or break impressions…and the fact is, that we have gotten so confused about why a certain thing was said and what effect was it meant to have, that we often think over the most mundane and innocent of statements as though they were octopule entendres…..

Our ego is destroying us…Mr. Gold… (As Guy Ritchie would have us believe) has won……

PS: If you read through this and feel that certain phrases seem as though I have revealed myself and my egocentric pathetic activities unknowingly….be warned that I have read through this post 4 times searching for such clues and have placed these in specific places to katao your chu**ya !!

PPS: Or maybe I just wrote that post script coz it was easier than reading through this highly ego bashing thing….

PPPS: 4 sounds much more believable than 6 or 7 times and so much more impressive than 1 or 2 times

PPPPS: This work is the required analogue of an axiom…..it reveals its purpose and content doubly…through it’s actual content and the very fact of its existence….!!

PPPPPS: Am I cunning and poltu( iit lingo for whatever i wrote above,...) ... or am i just a brilliant satirist... i dunno... Which would make me more impressive?!