BLAH

　
I am drunk(Ola! Harshad,Potty, Pranay and Vaid...)........To be precise...i have imbibed some alcohol...Though i had never thought about it before this...now...i am sure that i want to write something while i am in this condition or state...whatever you wish to call it...First of all, let me describe this state to you..Those that have been there (here ?) and done this...reminisce ...and the rest .....Well... i will describe it as accurately as i can without making a fool of myself !! First of all, i am completely in control of all my actions...I am of course feeling a bit light headed..and happier than normal..(a fact which some friends of mine believe to be impossible..) In fact, i feel more in control of myself than normal for the simple reason that i feel obligated to prove my high capacity to imbibe alcohol(a parameter very foolishly and illogically assumed to be a sign of manliness) not just to others but also to myself.....I also am in the habit of giving my more irrational feelings (such as love.....actually...only love !!) more of a free hand while my consciousness roams about .... stumbling and rambling merrily ! While there are many people who regard the capacity to drink large amounts of alcohol as a great virtue...there are also the people who consider it a sign of great weakness, if not a sin......Others relent somewhat and consider smoking and further drugs as sins....
I personally,was a staunch believer in teetotalism before i went to college...I maintained from my tasting of alcohol that it was a highly disgusting and definitely non potable beverage and that i would continue to drink the likes of coca cola till death...College set in and the lifestyle there caught up to me, as it does to everyone....My opinion of alcohol was that it was good...if it were ingested in reasonable quantities... As long as one did not lose control completely...the feeling of moondust and teddy bears (!!)was....just great... i also discovered that i could hold my drink really well....due to both genetic and environmental influences (wink !!(:-P))Then finally one day....i bit off too much more than i could chew and.....as is logical ..... puked... The loss of control was too scary for me.....and i gave up alcohol....
This is the 3rd time i have drunk since that day...the first time being 3 months after the day of my bheesma vrath....(!)And i realised that i had lost the taste ....i had stopped liking (or rather hating less than liking the high !!) the taste of alcohol....
But these personal and senti things left aside (i was just rattling out facts to gain back my sense of balance and control...so i would be able to write more than gibberish.. !!) let us get to the crux of the issue.....A friend of mine chided me for smoking as i did (barely...) sometimes when i was drunk (which shall be hereforth defined as having imbibed alcohol.....)Later when i gave up alcohol completely he said that what i was doing was nonsense and that this was too extreme a measure to take...Why i wonder...Both affect a person's health in the long term and due to their containing addictive substances...both could destroy a person's life...Agreed ciggarettes are more addictive than alcohol...but then is not the cutting out of both these mind altering substances a good thing..in fact the best thing to do...So i should drink and be merry but a ciggarette now and then is bad ....Isn't that rather hypocritical ??
Speaking of hypocrites, what about vegetarians...they cry out about animals and how we kill them to satisfy our own carnal natures....well then isn't killing mute, dumb plants even worse...And if the indignant reply to this would be (as it often is, and i have asked a lot of people !)that since i can't hear them, i don't feel bad....then my reply would be..." Then Sir...the fact is that i don't feel bad when i eat animals "....(of course, as compared to that delicious succulent breast-piece of lamb !!)...
Well...as the more rigid puritans would believe (and....of course as any person who has done 'shieat' (as the african americans would say !!!!!! lol)...will tell you that it is our greatest pleasure to behave , in our 'drunken stupor' as we would be expected to behave by our prissy acquaintances ! (sorry guys !!)) one is in a pedagogical mood when intoxicated...that is highly eager to preach about life and other highly significant things....So....once again... confirming your belief...i will proceed....
　
I believe that one should live life as if one had nothing to lose. Voice your opinions out loud...
At worst, If you are wrong, you will realise it and will also have had the satisfaction of having expressed your opinion. Life is too short to be unhappy long... so laugh often.... if it seems as if everything is going wrong ...... remmeber every valley is spanned by mountains on both sides and that the descent must stop somewhere....What doesn't kill you can always make you stronger provided you are willing to learn from it.... The rough translation of a cheesy line from a bollywood movie that i nevertheless like says "Laugh and be merry, cause who knows, tomorrow may never come..."...
Today's cynical world often mocks optimists, considering them to be hypocrites who just smile because it's socially more acceptable....Bull Crap i say...Firstly...the world has become highly pessimist and cynical...secondly...there aren't too many things that really warrant that glum look....Smile when you are happy and when in doubt think about the good times...those to come and those that have passed....and grin like an inebrieated babboon (Let 'em wonder!!)And thirdly...'SOUR GRAPES'.... Just because you have nothing to smile about doesn't mean that everyone who's smiling's just putting it on....
Also...the troubles that most people commit suicide over...Money and Love.... are two of the most trivial things that could ever be....Money....A common means of exchange for goods.... Work hard and the money problems will get fixed.....As for love....it is a wonderful feeling...but in the end there is no one more important than you.... "There is nothing to live for.. " Why ! That's rubbish....live for yourself, even if everything in the world is destroyed ... Suicide is just a great bloody middle finger to oneself.....
Thus endeth my 'Fundae' of life...Those that find them cheesy and optimistic....well i'll just ask them if they can give me another set of rules, so to speak, by which they have lived their life and never had even one dull or depressed moment....Cause i haven't ....so there ....!!
PS: Thus, I continue my tradition of writing postscripts...
PPS:Forgive the i's.... i have no office suite...
PPPS: In accordance with the 'fact' that we drunks are senti..i present to you....'Blah'...
PPPPS: Actually we also take the opportunity to do stuff we've always wanted to and felt scared of people's reactions, because now.... it's all attributed to the effect of alcohol...

PPPPPS: Cheers !!

US: EVERYONE'S SCARED OF THIS POST !!

I couldn’t resist it…(The title, I mean….)Having written something about the unknown(delightfully devilish, I would have myself believe…but nevertheless, rubbish that exists…(Point is…I wrote )) entitled ‘Them’, which schizophrenic demented megalomaniac could resist writing something (powerfully moving or sarcastically cutting(oh…I dunno I’ve just started haven’t I ), but once again …. Something…) anything… and giving it the title ‘Us’? Who, I ask you? Who?

For all of you still thinking (and I hope that my readership, comprising the foremost brains of my generation (this time I really died laughing) will not fall in this category !)just one word folks: Rhetoric….(OK I’m done pissing off what might be my only reader !)Not me, for sure…..

Us …We….A generation of suck ups, manipulators and two faced hypocrites... (Yes…I can hear you saying …. “Really! You too!!Oh my God!! And to think I went to all that trouble…!!”)That’s us….All that we do focuses on the ego…everything…we look at ways to bolster it and think so far ahead it would baffle Kasparov…Telling slightly varied stories to different people to generate the approval and respect (which is in turn fake …) that makes our day…That one extra fan on orkut….that makes u scream out loud and decide to have that extra cookie…as a celebration…Pathetic…all of us….( only it’s ‘packs of cookies’ in my case !)

Just today…I was chatting with a friend and the topic came round to why I wasn’t on facebook…I replied…I hate social networking sites in general…I just joined orkut to keep in touch with friends who were leaving from kota….I received the ‘hmmm really’ reply…Then I replied….trying to (and maybe succeeding) be funny that, no,…I luurrrrve orkut…I’d be a zombie without friends….if it were not for orkut…sitting in a corner whimpering and drooling, my legs drawn to my chest…. I cut myself every time I lose a fan or a friend…..and worst of all I actually add people that send requests such as ‘Wanna meet a fraandly cute Punjabi boy’……That took care of the conversation….but I wasn’t satisfied….you know people this isn’t what other people want to hear…What they want ( and what’s true) is ‘Ohh… whenever orkut shows me ‘page loading…’…there’s this anticipation …this…glow in my chest…just waiting to see if that brown haired girl scrapped me or maybe to see if that senior in my wing commented on that photo, you know, the one in which I’m surrounded by vodka bottles….The truth is that…every time I see a photo comment the glow stays with me for a day….a much awaited scrap…gets stomach’s sucked in and heads held just a teeny weeny bit higher….’

Yep …that’s us…our friends lists on social networking sites…are full of people we despise and ridicule…And we never send people friend requests …we wait for them to come…making it, in the end…just a bloody stare down contest….Friends…It should be ‘People we barely know through 2 common links…or maybe 3 if he/she is really cool’ Approval and liking is something all of us crave…and we secretly hate those that prance around, telling merry stories, spewing out stolen puns and jokes…Our status messages…oh…. if dogs had an attention span of half the time that we use in thinking up status messages…they’d probably have learnt our language by now….All the clichéd stuff we do believing that we will be perceived as being cool….it makes me laugh….

And this is just the cyber world….In the real world…we do things that are equally suited for a satire…That’s why satires have gone out of fashion…it’s just like our everyday life…so boring….The passing on of stories…and representing them as one’s own…the long words and impressive phrases that are bandied about…..the names of books that we once saw on the editorial page of some newspaper….all these float around the air, are heard and then repeated countless number of times..….i’m sure if we wrote the autobiography of the book ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ since the time it appeared (along with a review (and this is important !!)) in TOI we would find that it had travelled all around the world and gone in so many twisted overlapping loops that it would be impossible to find an equation or even several, plotting it’s course….Just murmurs and whispers can make or break impressions…and the fact is, that we have gotten so confused about why a certain thing was said and what effect was it meant to have, that we often think over the most mundane and innocent of statements as though they were octopule entendres…..

Our ego is destroying us…Mr. Gold… (As Guy Ritchie would have us believe) has won……

PS: If you read through this and feel that certain phrases seem as though I have revealed myself and my egocentric pathetic activities unknowingly….be warned that I have read through this post 4 times searching for such clues and have placed these in specific places to katao your chu**ya !!

PPS: Or maybe I just wrote that post script coz it was easier than reading through this highly ego bashing thing….

PPPS: 4 sounds much more believable than 6 or 7 times and so much more impressive than 1 or 2 times

PPPPS: This work is the required analogue of an axiom…..it reveals its purpose and content doubly…through it’s actual content and the very fact of its existence….!!

PPPPPS: Am I cunning and poltu( iit lingo for whatever i wrote above,...) ... or am i just a brilliant satirist... i dunno... Which would make me more impressive?!