Regular followers of my blog ( Yes, I went there :P) will know that my two 'favourite topics in the whole world' are 'Love and relationships' and, 'Society is so screwed up'. Either topic can get me excited and aroused, but when they come together, well, it's like ......... a threesome. Whenever I get to talk about these issues in tandem, I feel like Archie on a date with Betty AND Veronica. It's awesome...Super mega awesome really. . .
In general, People have different ideas about the mechanisms that love is/uses, and subsequently accord different levels of importance to relationships that involve some idea of love.From the most practical, to the cynical, to the most romantic; there is a veritable army of paradigms that populate the earth. But despite this, and also because of it, People cannot help but screw up, or at least imagine that they did so, while in the pursuit of a romantic relationship. The amount of second guessing, double bluffing, and 'hard to getting' that is involved in any form of courtship is enough to drive the sanest of people crazy. And it doesn't matter one bit, whether you're thinking rationally, or just going with the flow; either way you're screwed: racked with doubt and indecision, either because of the multiplicity of possibilities, or just a sheer hormonal flood that takes over your body and mind, forcing you to live in a world of Moonshine and Stardust; or Towering cliffs, Darkness and teen popstar songs , making you bipolar and psychotic.It sucks. And society is to blame. (:D)
Courting or wooing a girl is fraught with endless lists of dos and don'ts. What to say, what not to say, when to say it and so many more . Add to this a backpack stuffed with homemade wisdom, earnestly doled out by friends and well wishers, and you can easily imagine some poor Romeo going schizophrenic, sitting in a corner mumbling to himself. The same course of action, can be interpreted ( and thus by extension interpreted as being interpreted as (basicaly second guessing)) being so many different things. Being perseverant could be seen as romantic by some and stupid as others. You could be inching closer towards a final 'Yes', or you could just be on the hook, either voluntarily orchestrated so by some wily female, or accidentally set up by a girl, who's probably as confused as you. Moreover, one never knows what course of action is the right one, even in an ideal world, because you don't know whether love is something magical, spontaneous and bilateral; or rational and developed over time, through friendship and a set of common shared experiences. So you don't know whether you should/ would want to be with someone whom you asked out 10 times till she finally agreed any more than you know for sure anything about a first glance spark that catches your attention.
Guys competing with others for a girl's affections are faced with another problem, a 'how fast ?' along with the 'What ?'. You never know, who is going to make what move and when; and you don't even know whether making a move early is better, or if you should wait for the 'right' time, whatever that may be.They also face the problem of having to make the move first, which is especially true in a country like India., not to mention the fact that being 'romantic' makes one the object of ridicule, and people have surprisingly long memories when it comes to such things
And the girl, oh poor thing that she is, has to choose between multiple suitors; and being in that spot cannot be an easy one, cause most of the times it's like choosing between watching a romantic movie, a serious drama film or a slapstick comedy caper (:P :D); and god knows we've all been there: you might be in a mood to watch something funny right now, but what about next month ? You see, returns are tough :P :( .Plus, she is faced with deciphering the same conundrums that plague the guys, having to correlate action with thought and intention, and further, thought with perceived goodness in one's paradigm of love, to make a rational decision.But worst of all, is when a girl is forced to choose, when she would rather have not had that opportunity at all. One doesn't always have to want to be in a relationship, but when your host asks you ' Tea, or coffee ?', it's hard to say no to both ( :P)
And when this all comes to a head, when someone pops the question, for some reason people more or less ignore the idea of failure being possible, never once considering the possibility that both you and the girl may want different things from life, and may even have a different idea of what love is and what a relationship should/would entail. This could be attributed to either a) arrogance or b) a paradigm of love as magical, spontaneous and necessarily bilateral, which would imply that she will like you 'cause you like her and nothing can go wrong( Sigh.... :D).Subsequently, this leads to heartbreak, denial, depression, and in some cases, suicide. The competition that boys have to face when wooing a girl lends a very poignantly terrible twist to this story. Having confessed one's feelings for a girl, most rejected suitors find it impossible to stay friends with her, embarrassed by one's lapses in reason and foolish displays of emotion during the courtship, which, though vindicated by a happy ending, are worth a lifetime supply of blushes in failure.
And most of this, happens due to lack of communication. Not knowing what's going on in someone's head lets you make all kinds of assumptions and imagine all kinds of situations( which, when it comes to me, typically involve triple bluffs, double crosses, psychological torture and sadism :P) A normal instance of asking someone out should be as simple as doing it at the outset on the basis of some preliminary attraction, and, in the cases where this primary attraction is mutual, getting to know each other, discussing what one wants from life and then taking a decision as to whether the paradigms that the man and woman subscribe to are reconcilable into a happy life. But , modern day society makes it so hard for people to share their feelings and thoughts and open out to others, that this process is circuitous and all data is encrypted in the form of hints and signs and flirting, where one can believe exactly what one chooses to believe. It not only lengthens the process for a true pair bond, but also fails miserably to eliminate unwanted suitors, thus causing more pain to everyone involved than necessary.
'What's the way out ?', one wonders.
In my opinion: Be rational and calm, but don't be afraid to take the leap. After all, badly encrypted signals can change good to bad as often as bad to good, and you may have a better chance than you think.Love, but don't be afraid to lose. Shakespeare wasn't lying when he said " It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all". Be brave,Be genuine, Be open; because if i know one thing for sure, it's this: If true love exists, like in the stories and movies, it's worth all the ridicule in the world.......
PS: There are many ways that situations can be purposely distorted by one or both parties involved in a courtship for malicious reasons. My advice: If you're sure, buy a chainsaw....Once again: worth the sacrifice :D
PPS: Male seahorses get to choose their mates, the only specie to be in this position. However, the males also incubate the eggs....
PPPS: Seahorses ? Really ??
PPPPS: 'Chasing Cars : Snow Patrol' is awesome !!
